Leaving Cert does not define your child - ever, says Cork parent coach and kids confidence coach

After weeks of waiting, the day is finally nearly here - there will be mixed emotions up and down the country for thousands of students as the Leaving Cert results come out this Friday.

I would suggest parent/s have a chat with their child at some point before then - discuss expectations, options, choices, repeats, etc.

I had to look into this myself before I sat down with my kids, as I really did not understand all the different options available to them. There are many pathways our kids can take, so do the research. There are great plc courses, apprenticeships, repeat options, gap year, studying abroad - get the information before you sit down with them.

There are lots of people you can ask for support with this, guidence counsellors, teachers, or friends who have gone through it already, who may have this information if you do not. Ask them, just try to be prepared and have your child prepared for all outcomes. It will really help you all in the days after the results. It is so important they understand there are always options, their results do no define them.

Parents - remember the pressure this exam puts on many students - the emotions will be high. Try to keep the house (and yourself calm) on the morning of the results.

Students - you may not get the results you wanted, but regardless of that, try to stick to whatever plan you had in your head, whether that is a family meal, meeting up with friends - as those who love you will want to be there for you, whether you are happy with your results or not.

First things first - how are you going to receive your results? Plan ahead. Many students prefer to receive their results online, they may then decide to go to the school to meet up with their friends, or may prefer to stay with family at home.

Others may prefer to receive their results in person at the school with their friends.

Whatever choice your son/daughter makes, it is theirs, so respect that.

Once they receive their results:

Celebrate with them if they are happy.

Allow them to feel their disappointment if they are not happy, this is not the time for ‘you should have worked harder’ type of responses - they will have enough emotions of their own to deal with, try not to let your disappointment be one of them.

If you are very worried about them, try to get them to talk to you or another family member/good friend, a sports coach - anyone they respect and might listen to.

I am fully aware many parents can be very disappointed on results day, but you do have to be careful how you deal with this. Your child will see and feel your feelings. The Leaving Cert does not define your child - ever. There are always choices.

I have worked with so many kids who were devastated because they believed they let their parents down. This can really impact on their mental health so please be careful with your own emotions on results day.

There is a time and a place to discuss all of this, but it is not Results Day.

Try not to compare them to siblings, cousins, and neighbours - this can be soul-destroying, your child is not them, do not compare them.

Once they have received their results, they may decide they want to get some subjects rechecked. They need to contact their school to get this process started. The sooner, the better. This might open up choices for them later. In my experience, the students have a very good idea on how they did in exams and if they strongly believe they did better than their marks showed, then they should get them rechecked if they need extra points. Their school will also advise them once they go through their papers.

Results Night: For many, this can be a crazy fun night, for others it might be a few friends getting together in a quieter way, while some may be happier spending time with family. This is their choice, some kids choose the quieter options to protect themselves, they may not be comfortable around a lot of drink, etc. Respect their choices.

For those hitting the town, make sure they know they can call you ‘no matter what’, this can be a very messy night, you do not want your child afraid to call you if they are in trouble. If you feel they might not call you, make sure they have someone in their phone, an older cousin, siblings, aunt or uncle, it doesn’t matter who that person is, once they have someone they feel comfortable calling. Ideally, get that person to let them know they can always call them if they get into difficulty.

Finally, I do not agree with the Leaving Certificate exam, I strongly believe it is outdated and not fit for purpose, but unfortunately, it is what it is. 

I believe it does not show kids’ real strengths, it is far too narrow and academically based. ‘Learn off and regurgitate’, is one teacher’s description of this state exam.

Be there for your children, accept them for who they really are, look after your own four walls, and everything tends to work out. Let the opinions of others where they belong, outside! Once you are there for your child, show acceptance, love and support, they will usually be OK. All of our kids will most likely have struggles at some stage in their lives, but once they know we are there for them, it really does make a huge difference.

The very best of luck to the students of 2024.

About the author

Eileen Keane Haly is the Director of jump startyourconfidence.com and author of The Parent. She is a qualified Parent Coach, Kids Confidence Coach and Teenage Mentor, with a background in child psychology Eileenkeanehaly@gmail.com Instagram- @jumpstartyourconfidence cork Facebook - Jumpstartyourconfidence . The Parent is available on Kindle, and on her website www.jumpstartyourconfidence.com