Cork leadership consultant: ‘We are great at avoiding things...it leads to frustration’

There’s a huge lack of empathy in the world at the moment, along with repressed emotions including anger, and it’s important that people know how to recognise and respond to these big emotions, especially in the work place.

That’s according to Barbara Nugent, a renowned leadership development consultant who is called in to organisations to help people get along with each other better, managers to manage better, and in the process get improved results both in the workplace and in life as a whole.

Setting up her very successful business, Transilient Coaching, came from her own lived experience.

A qualified accountant, she has worked in small practice, Irish manufacturing, the European Commission, and then in Cork for a number of medical device and pharmaceutical companies as financial controller.

“In 2002, I became part of the team that started up the European HQ of Premiere Global Inc (a U.S telecoms company) in Clonakilty. We built that organisation from greenfield site, to a hub for over 200 employees in Cork and several hundred across Europe and India. I progressed to leading a team of about 40 people, with five managers and 13 entities,” she said.

With two small kids, and a husband who worked away from home, it was a very busy time.

“There was stress, conflict and sometimes burn-out,” she recalls.

To improve her own skills and help motivate her team, she did a leadership course: “I did it really to try to make life easier for myself. My reasoning was that most people want to do a good job, so I wanted to help them make that happen in the way I did my job.”

The tangible results were extraordinary, beyond anything Barbara had expected. That success led to her further upskilling in the area of executive coaching, which ultimately saw her take the plunge to set up Transilient Coaching around 11 years ago. She’s never looked back.

Among the many ways she coaches is helping people develop boundaries, finding tactics to frame things, and learning perspective.

“I often say to people, if they wouldn’t take advice from a person, why would they take criticism! Also, I find that Irish people are great at avoiding things, which leads to frustration. Our culture is not to be harsh and we often skirt around thorny subjects. I teach people to have those hard conversations, but in a gentle way. People don’t always like it but, as a manager, you need to be prepared not to be liked. That doesn’t mean you go out of your way to be horrible, it just means you have to tackle things that need tackling.

“I advise managers to get in early and light with your conversations and don’t wait for that big explosion. Invest time now in those smaller exchanges – it might feel hard, but it gets easier every time, you can’t keep kicking the can down the road, or wait for it to blow over.”

Being straightforward is an important skill: “I often see gaps in communication. Someone might say to me, ‘My boss won’t listen to me,’ and I’d ask, ‘Have you tried to talk to them?’ – and often they haven’t.” Helping people develop empathy is a big part of what she does.

“I think there’s a massive lack of empathy in the world right now – we live in a very reactive space. Just look at our world leaders. Are they showing traits of empathy, respecting differences?

“With all the conflict going on now, many people are afraid to express how they’re feeling, in fear of being labelled or judged, so there’s a lot of repressed emotions including anger and fear.

“We’re also consuming so much of what’s going on around the world on social media which can lead to terrible sadness, perhaps depression and disconnection.

“I also feel that covid really changed the world, and we never took the time to process it, we just moved on very quickly. I do think, whether people realise it or not, that it had a massive impact on our perspective, and particularly for young people,” she said.

“During covid, we interacted more virtually and while that was a blessing at that time, now it is possibly being overused. Human connection has declined significantly. Studies show more communication issues and a higher level of loneliness amongst employees.“

Empathy is something that needs to be actively developed, Barbara said.

“That ability to see someone else’s perspective and see through their lens, and that requires people to listen better. However, most people don’t listen to understand usually, they listen to reply or even argue. Often, you don’t even need to reply to someone, you just need to listen. ‘Practice the Pause’ – just take a breath before answering is usually a great way to listen and respond. I’m not telling people things they don’t know, but it’s about developing the practice of doing this.

“It’s a slow burn and creating a habit of listening takes time. It’s like driving, the more you practice the more instinctive it becomes. That’s important because when you’re under pressure you often revert back to type.”

Ultimately, Barbara says most people want to be good managers: “The will is there, but most just don’t know how. It’s about self-awareness and understanding your own impact, and listening.

“If all else fails, ask yourself how do you want other people to feel after your conversation: inspired or kicked to the kerb and that brings us back to empathy.”

Barbara and her husband John have lived in Clonakilty for 25 years and are parents to Sam (24) and Lorna (20).

“When I left my role in 2014, it was also to be around more during their teenage years while still working and having ambitions for myself. It has worked well. The best thing for me about working for myself is the autonomy and the ability to direct my time where I want. If I have personal things I want to do, I can arrange my schedule to incorporate those. I’m big into rowing so I make sure I book all the rowing events and training into my calendar and then work around that. As both my children live/study in the UK, I can carve out time to visit them as well as my 90-year-old dad in Mayo - so work can be organised to suit my commitments as a mum and daughter, and rower!”

The least favourite aspect?

“I can get into my own head too much and lose myself in low energy or maybe self-doubt and it’s really critical that I recognise that and get out to a Network event or meet up with other members for a chat. It can be isolating and my network is critical to help me stay positive and inspired to do my best work.”

Barbara has a long history with Network Ireland. having initially joined Network Cork in 2014 where she held a number of roles. She stepped back and took a break for a period due to family reasons.

“Last year, I was ready to step back out there again and decided to join West Cork because I live in Clonakilty and it made sense.”

Barbara was recently named the Network West Cork solo businesswoman of the year award and said it was ‘a genuine thrill to be chosen from a pool of very impressive women all running their own businesses and with their own stories.’

“I know that the NI awards are not given out easily, so for me it’s a real validation of what I do and my contribution to business and Network over the years. I’m very proud to be selected as a winner.

“I think the fact my business is 11 years old is an indictment that it is possible to be self-employed, earn a living and do meaningful work, all while looking after your family.”