Eimear Hutchinson: Dealing with the overwhelm that comes with motherhood

MAYBE it’s the older I get, but I find it increasingly interesting and useful to perform a little self-reflection on my own behaviours and thoughts from time to time.

In a world where there is a lot more talk about minding your mind, I will often read an article or see something online that I connect with, and it makes some little corner of my mind make a little more sense.

I have found that, over the years, being able to break down the parts of my brain that cause me the most bother and figuring out how to ease the stress that different emotions or thoughts cause me, has really helped me relax into life a little bit more.

For example, I get totally overwhelmed sometimes, it happens us all, I’m sure it affects us all to different degrees, and it is a totally normal emotion to feel. 

Feeling overwhelmed used to leave me feeling cross and cranky, and even though I can’t avoid the feeling altogether, even recognising it for what it is can be helpful.

The house being untidy used to really overwhelm me, if I looked into the playroom and saw it was a complete mess, it would send me into a tizzy. A tidy playroom (and a tidy house!) is a battle I have lost but, with four young children, I’ve come to settle on acceptance.

The girls’ schedule used to stress me out (I’m aware I’m the very one that signed them up to all the activities!) but using my phone for reminders, a calendar where I write down everything, and a chalk board where I can easily see each week what’s happening has taken a lot of the muddle out of my brain.

I get very easily distracted; I have probably picked up my phone four times by the time I reached this paragraph as I write. I do somewhat blame motherhood for this. 

In school and college, I had no problem sitting and studying for hours on end.

Motherhood has left me in a permanent state of always having about 20 things on the to-do list at any one time, so my mind is perpetually pulled in different directions. For example, if I go upstairs to get a roll of toilet roll for the bathroom downstairs, I might not actually complete that task for many hours. I will see a towel on the floor of the bathroom, so I get drawn into the bathroom, then I see the toothbrushes need sorting and the sink needs a clean. I go to get some cleaning products and on my way, I spot socks on the ground that need to go into a wash basket, which then makes me realise the basket is full so a load of washing needs to go on. I find it impossible to focus on the one task when my brain can see so many more that need doing.

I am very guilty of hyperfocus, especially when it comes to crafting. I think there are two elements at play here; when I was studying and working my mind was constantly challenged by the work on my desk. Being at home minding the girls, my mind is challenged of course, but not in the same way it was. I feel like my brain is craving a challenge outside motherhood and that’s OK too.

I simply enjoy the process of crafting and creativity, so I feel like that has slipped in to fill the void in my mind that the external challenge of work used to present. 

Now I have a craft room bursting with supplies and tools for all the random crafts I’ve started, become obsessed with, and then discarded.

I am the worst person for procrastination and even I find it endlessly frustrating. I could know months in advance I have a project to do or some content to create for a job and I always leave it until the last minute. It’s frustrating because by not doing it you have to keep that tab open in your brain, always reminding you of the task that needs doing. I put myself under pressure then to complete the task in very little time and I end up stressing myself out. I’d walk over something that needs fixing or putting away for weeks on end, before I finally work up the mental strength to complete the task that usually only takes minutes.

My husband can fall asleep in about four minutes flat whereas it takes me, at worst, up to three hours to fall asleep (I did see 3am on the clock the other night without a wink of sleep since 11.30pm bedtime), and at best a good half hour. 

I often find the minute my head hits the pillow, instead of finding peace, my mind goes into overdrive. 

I have learned that going for a walk during the day, which I do almost everyday now thanks to our Red Setter, has helped to ease this in recent years. I don’t bring any headphones or distractions, instead I give myself the hour to just think and it has done my sleep the world of good.