Eimear Hutchinson: Choosing a secondary school is different for all of us

OUR eldest lady started school quite young, she started when the second free year of the ECCE scheme began, but by the time we had learned about the second free year, we had already made up our minds to send her.

Obviously, we could have held her back if it really wasn’t right to send her at that time, but we sent her at four-and-a-half and to this day we don’t regret the decision.

As a parent though, recently I feel like I have arrived at teenager stage faster than I would have expected. Most of her friends are 12, she is still only 11, so we are playing catch up to her as parents.

I can assure you, it was a strange feeling to find yourself touring secondary schools in fifth class with a ten-year-old. 

I’m sure most parents who have experienced children going into sixth class will attest to the fact huge changes occur during that last year of primary school.

We are only two months into the school year and already her interests are vastly different to fifth class - the boys are less ‘annoying’ and the battle of the ‘when will I get a phone’ argument is more frequently revisited.

Secondary school is the next big milestone on our parenting journey, and while I might only be wrapping my head around it, our eldest lady is absolutely ready for the next step.

In fifth class, we did a tentative tour of schools locally - she visited the one she had her eye on in Fermoy and we also visited a school in Mitchelstown. We live between the two towns, but with no bus service from the village to Mitchelstown, we join the long list of children vying for a place in Fermoy. I can assure you, it is a stressful position to be in when both parents are not from the local area, as entrance to schools does not favour a blow-in.

Choosing a secondary school is different for all of us - for some it is straightforward, for others it’s a collaborative back and forth between child and parent, and then there are those for whom there is only one viable option.

For us, it has be a two-year long musing and I would recommend visiting all the schools on offer in fifth year, especially if, like us, you have no experience with them to be considered.

We only visited one school last year and, in retrospect, probably should have tried to get a better understanding of what both schools had to offer earlier in this journey. Otherwise, you run the risk of making assumptions based on your own experience in secondary school 20 years ago and that can be hindering.

When doing the rounds of schools, I also advise you to stay on for the principal’s address. As a parent, it is a great way to get a feel for the school and its stance on education, achieve-ments, inclusion and the future pathways for students. For the tweens, it is a chance for them to get a clear overview of the subjects on offer, a run-through of how their school day will look and what extracurricular activities are on offer. These are often shared during the walkthrough of the school but that can be hectic so children miss a good bit of information during those rounds especially if you are in with a big group.

Our girls go to a rural school, but it is large so in that sense our lady is confident the crowds won’t worry her. We have always encouraged her to do activities in Fermoy so she is familiar with different girls that may cross her path in secondary school, making the transition a little easier. Parents to this age group are probably well aware of the influence of friends and also how temperamental friendships can be at this age. 

Fundamentally, you have to arrive at a decision that doesn’t leave a child distraught about being separated from their peers for the purposes of sending them to a school you as a parent perceive to be more suitable. 

No matter how good the school, no child will thrive in an environment they really don’t want to be in. On the flip side, sometimes parents do know best!

It is hugely useful to talk to parents you trust that have children attending the schools to give you a truthful review and, even better, if you can talk to a variety with children in different year groups. They can tell you what the school is like on a day-to-day basis and it is useful to use your experience of the open night to flesh out any queries you have. The open nights are impressive, but it’s good to dig a little deeper and get a feel for the true student experience from those who experiencing it first-hand.

When choosing a secondary school, you chose with your heart and your mind. From my experience of visiting two very different schools, there are elements of both that I was drawn too. There is so much that influences our choices, but I think we all try to find the school that fits the child. After that there is a lot that is outside of your control, and you probably have to make peace with that before you even start the process.