Eimear Hutchinson: Advice for anyone with a child starting school

WE tried on my daughter’s school uniform today, and honestly, even her sisters were cooing over the sight of her all dressed up.

This is our fourth daughter to go into junior infants, and over the course of the years, we have learned a few tips and tricks along the way that have all helped to ensure plain sailing when it comes to starting school.

Of course, every child is different, some will be more nervous than others, but with each of our girls we have learned something different about how to balance emotions and expectations in the run up to the big day.

Our second lady was more reluctant than the first to start school, she is pretty laid back by nature so she was happy out in playschool and at the time wasn’t really all that pushed on starting big school.

In an effort to rally enthusiasm, we talked with great fervour about how fantastic big school was and how exciting it was all going to be. It worked because she was on a high going in that first day. However, three days later she came to us and politely informed us that school ‘wasn’t for her’ and she’d like to return to playschool. We asked her why of course, and to be fair to the child she made some valid points – she told us we had let on that it was going to be exciting and lots of fun when, in reality, she had to do a lot more sitting than playschool, there were more rules, and the element of freedom they had in playschool was gone.

Ever since, we don’t hype up how exciting starting big school is going to be; obviously, we approach it with enthusiasm, but we are more practical while still trying to inject the element of excitement at this whole new chapter.

We find it good to drop hints about how the day in school will go. I have found it works well if they have some insight as to how the day is structured - what happens with eating lunches, who might be there to help them throughout the day, the set up in the yard, that kind of information, alongside all the art and PE they get to do and the new friends they will make.

Junior infants is a hugely mentally challenging year for our little ones so we have learned to hold back on the after-school activities, especially in that first year. It is important to give them time to rest so that they are not tired as they take on new challenges every day.

The temptation is always there when friends and sisters are involved in drama, soccer, swimming, art and countless other activities children have the opportunity to participate in nowadays. We try to stick to two activities in the week for the first year of school, with swimming always one, and the other we often do at that age is art classes because while it is a sociable activity, it’s not exhausting.

When they have started school, the temptation is to greet them with effusive questions about how the day went, but don’t be disappointed or surprised if they tell you they did nothing. With our girls it is usually around bedtime that they have processed the day and that’s usually when all the thoughts, both good and bad, come tumbling out. I feel that’s all the more reason to keep the evenings as free as possible so that bedtime is not too late and you have plenty of time for chatting just in case they need it.

The school yard is a vastly different place to playschool, it’s obviously not as tightly run in terms of teachers making sure everyone gets on or that no-one is left out. 

I don’t mean that in a derogatory way towards teachers, for whom I have the highest respect, it’s just the start of children learning the incredibly important life skill of how to deal with others by themselves.

There will undoubtedly be times when they come home sad or upset over an incident with friends. It’s worth holding the emotions and not jumping on the phone or email to the school or another parent. In my experience, often a night’s sleep can make problems a lot less dramatic than they initially seemed. Children can often take things up the wrong way so try to get a full understanding of the situation before you decide on how to proceed.

The one I am sure I will struggle with is crying at the school gate, but I do keep my emotions in check until they are safely inside the school doors. It probably goes without saying, but going to school needs to be a positive experience from the get go so; regardless of how you feel, plaster on a big smile and be proud of the little person you are sending in the door.

And don’t forget to take lots of pictures – you can save the happy tears for when you compare photos of their first and last day of Junior Infants and you see just how far they’ve come!