Parents... A guide on how to make your home party-proof

Everybody groaned. Everybody had a horror story.

As we sat at the café table, our festively patterned Christmas shopping bags piled up around us, the talk had somehow turned to house parties.

Someone recalled a 21st for which the young host unthinkingly sent out invitations through Facebook. The uninvited arrived late and rough, pushing their way in, hefting crates of drink. They shoved their fists in the birthday cake, rubbed sponge and cream on each other’s faces, threw the finger-food around, and started fighting.

One of those around the table was a mother of three adults. Over the years, she said, she had developed a successful strategy for managing the cascade of Sweet 16ths, 18ths, 21st bashes and so on that confronted her as her family grew, and passed into second-level education, college, and beyond.

Her tried and tested house-party strategy, she explained, arose from a useful mix of personal experiences as a carousing university student in Dublin, and a long and successful career in the hospitality industry here and abroad.

“Tell us now,” we said, mouths agape.

Our friend outlined her Parent’s Guide to Party-Proofing, which I faithfully replicate here.

Notes:

(a) Never assume your child does not drink alcohol.

(b) Before agreeing to host a house party, clearly and firmly outline your non-negotiable rules.

The Rules:

(1) Invitations.

No strangers or undesirables are invited. Invitations must be issued privately. No loose come-all-ye’s and no public social media announcements. Any strangers or uninvited persons will be immediately asked to leave. This is a Zero Tolerance Strategy. If undesirables fail to leave on request, the lights go on, the music goes off, and the gardaí are called.

(2) Adult back-up.

If you’re expecting a sizable crowd, ensure:

(a) that you and your partner/spouse are present throughout the event.

(b) that you enlist the support of some responsible adults, preferably in the shape of brawny males - uncles or friends’ fathers.

“It might sound sexist asking for male back-up,” our friend acknowledged, “but it’s a crucial part in ensuring the party remains safe and enjoyable.”

“Remember,” she added, “a party is only enjoyable if things are under control. Young people can feel threatened if a party gets out of hand. You are providing the security blanket.”

At no point during the party will you or your support group retreat to a quiet area away from the carousing. Adults must maintain an unobtrusive but constant presence, carrying bin-bags, collecting empties and subtly keeping an eye on things.

(3) Times:

Ensure that agreed party start and end times will be honoured by the young host, who will be responsible for ensuring that all guests are made aware of them. Stick to the timeline. When it’s over, it’s over. Turn on the lights and turn off the music.

(4) Upstairs

Lock all upstairs doors in advance. Block access to the upstairs of your home.

(5) Alcohol

Never provide alcohol.

Always provide lots of mixers, minerals, bottles of water, and plastic cups.

“A lot of girls will bring bottles of vodka with them, but often they don’t bring mixers, or they don’t bring enough mixers,” my friend said.

“If you have lots of mixers, they’ll happily fill up their cups with mixers – it tastes nicer, makes their vodka go further and moderates their drinking.”

(6) Food

Provide paper plates for finger foods which don’t require cutlery, such as pre-sliced pizzas, chicken goujons, crisps, dips, etc. Serve finger food about half-way through the party. This will bring a lull. The buzz will calm down, and the guests will line their stomachs with food.

(7) Kitchen

Clear your kitchen counters of all appliances – toasters, air-fryers, blenders, etc, and lock them away along with all cutlery and sharp knives. This helps reduce accidents and breakages.

(8) Valuables

Put away all prized and valuable possessions which may be on display, and lock cupboards and presses using zip ties or strong double-sided tape to make them more inaccessible.

(9) Outdoors

If you expect the party to spill out into your garden, lock away gardening tools such as lawnmowers, shears or shovels. Ensure the garden is adequately lit, with fairy-lights and outdoor lighting and some outdoor seating, so that it is attractive, safe and comfortable.

(10) Toilets

Some people find it useful to invest in a Portaloo if they fear there will be a shortage of loos in the house. Accessibility to toilets is important and needs thinking through.

(11) Neighbours

Tell your neighbours in advance about the party. If their children are of a suitable age to attend, invite them.

(12) Gardaí

If appropriate, mention to your local friendly garda that you’re having a party. Explain that you fully intend to keep things shipshape, but that you’re just letting them know in advance, and that if they happen to be in the area between said hours on said date, you’d really appreciate a drive-by.

(13) Afterwards

If you live outside your local town, ensure your child has checked that all guests have lifts home. Where possible, double-check yourself.

Guests’ parents should know where their child is going and how they will get home and ensure that they are collected at the designated time. This responsibility should not fall on the people hosting the party.

(14) Reality Check

Don’t keep your head in the sand. Talk to your child about alcohol and anti-social behaviour.

Be aware of what can go on and don’t assume your child could never be part of it.