Kathriona Devereux: 'Maybe we should share a little less of the chaos'

Ireland’s declining birth rate and our need as a country to better prepare for an ageing population - and encourage young people to procreate - has been a source of increasing chatter.

I am one of those 40-somethings who were born in the 1980s when Ireland’s annual births peaked at around 74,000. In recent years, births have hovered around the 54,000 mark, with a continuing downward trend.

(If there was ever a motivation to stay fit and healthy in your forties, it’s this: when we children of the ’80s turn 80, there’ll be no one to look after us!)

There are so many factors involved in the decision to have a baby. Finding a suitable partner is usually the No.1 consideration, and they don’t grow on trees.

Having various forms of security in place - financial, housing, care supports - are also factored into whether or not people will take the plunge into parenting.

For some couples looking to the future, the prospect of what climate change will mean for their potential offspring puts a damper on thoughts of babymaking.

Baby booster

In recent years, the government has introduced family-friendly measures to support parents and children. Initiatives such as better subsidised childcare, increased maternity benefits, breastfeeding breaks for mothers returning to work, and even deferred maternity leave in case of a cancer diagnosis are all moves to make child-rearing easier.

Other things like the Hot School Meals programme, free primary school books, and free GP visit cards for children under eight years of age are supposed to reduce the financial burden on families.

These policies may not overtly be designed to encourage couples to cast their contraception aside, but creating a society in which it is a good place to rear a family is one of the core functions of most nations.

Budget 2025 brought in an overt lure - a €420 ‘baby boost’ payment for newborns to help relieve the financial pressure of welcoming a new baba into the world.

Of course, no right-thinking woman would fire ahead with a nine-month pregnancy, birth, and a lifetime of parenting for a meagre €420, but it’s a sign that the government is trying to nudge people towards a more sustainable birth rate.

In reality, across developed wealthy nations, policies intended to support working parents - like decent parental leave and affordable childcare - are failing. Birth rates keep falling. ‘Baby boosts’ just won’t cut it.

In the 1980s, a single income was often enough to support a family in Ireland. Today, a dual income is a necessity for most families because of rising housing costs and low wage growth.

To create a more family-friendly society, Ireland needs major reforms, including affordable housing, heavily subsidised childcare, stronger rent controls, and more generous parental leave, to enable families to better balance career and home life and nudge the birth rate in an upward direction.

Stop giving out

I wonder though, if, along with practical initiatives, today’s parents also need to stop going on about how hard the act of parenting is.

Are we discouraging potential parents by constantly complaining about our kids?

Meet any parent and they will usually be bemoaning how busy and hectic and tired they are all the time. I’m guilty of it myself.

But maybe it’s time for a peppering of positivity in the tales of parenting.

In fairness, I do think it’s right to warn prospective parents that life as they know it is over and to enjoy their sleep before the baby arrives. Generally, it is already too late for the mother, whose night times are disturbed by the inner roiling of a tiny human.

But, really, sleep is a hopeless cause because, after the newborn phase passes, bad dreams, lost teddies, coughs and snots will still wake you up in the middle of the night on a regular basis.

I haven’t strapped into the rollercoaster of adolescent parenting yet (see, there I go being negative about the teenage years!), but apparently, parents of teenagers (and young adults) don’t sleep waiting for their kids to come home from a night of gallivanting.

By the time your kids eventually leave home (sometime in their mid-30s!) and you have the house to yourself, your prostate or post-menopausal circadian rhythm wakes you up multiple times a night anyway.

The reason that parents may be more comfortable sharing the harder aspects of child-rearing is a reluctance to be seen as boasting about their children or being smug about the profound happiness their children give them.

To balance out the horror stories of having to catch your child’s vomit with your cupped hand, hose down a cot after a dirty protest, or spend weeks at home as chickenpox circulates the house, can I just state for the record that watching a scrunched-up, helpless newborn transform into a curious, determined mini-human is nothing short of magic.

How infants and children master skills is both amazing and adorable. From babbling nonsense to mispronouncing ‘hospital’ and ‘spaghetti’ to confidently reciting lines in a school concert is a wonder, every milestone is a marvel.

The love you feel for them is overwhelming, and a pudgy little palm lovingly cupping your chin can make even the hardest days completely worth it.

But, for more families to take this leap, they need real support - affordable housing, quality childcare, and investment in maternal and infant health.

Because, while practical policies matter, so does how we talk about parenthood.

Maybe we should share a little less of the chaos - and a little more of the joy.