I’m driven to distraction by the omnipresence of smartphones

DO you really intend to jeopardise your intimate relationship all because of being in thrall to your smart phone?

Using your phone during sex (yes, apparently it happens), breaking off a conversation to respond to a notification on your phone, or God forbid, to take a call, is known as ‘phubbing’.

That’s phone snubbing, and it’s happening all the time.

Researchers in Turkey have found that couples who reported a lot of phubbing also reported less satisfaction in their marriages. It stands to reason.

Obviously, if you lower your eyes to your phone while your partner is trying to engage with you, you’re going to annoy them. And apart from anything else, it’s rude.

Why is some random text more important than listening to your partner’s tale of woe from their working day? What is wrong with us that we feel bereft if our phone is out of sight?

What exactly is going on in families when, at the dinner table, everyone has their communications device next to their plate? Is the phone really more interesting than your family?

OK, maybe that’s a bad example because I see you mouthing ‘yes’. But seriously, say you’re out for dinner with friends, how can you justify texting or scrolling? Why isn’t your phone on silent or, better still, switched off?

You can’t possibly be fully present with friends if using your phone is more important than catching up with them. (And by the way, photographing your dinner is pathetic carry on. Who really cares about what you’re eating even if you’re in a really posh swanky restaurant? Maybe it’s the swankiness that has you boasting digitally. It’s very naff.)

Since the advent of the smart phone (admittedly a great boon to our lives in some ways), some people feel less lonely because they’re always ‘connected’. Others, however, feel more isolated because they never experience connecting with anyone in a direct and real way.

Research indicates that when parents phub their children, it sends a message that their parents aren’t interested in them. This makes the children feel rejected and that is associated with lower life satisfaction and increased anxiety and depression.

Phubbed kids are more likely to become addicted to their smart phones and have a higher chance of engaging in hostile behaviour such as cyber-bullying.

It was just over 12 years ago when mobile phone etiquette was first discussed. According to an advisor at Debrett’s, the ‘bible’ on social etiquette, there were a lot fewer problems than there are now, associated with the use of our devices.

The advice back then was simple. You were told to put the phone away when meeting people. (But did we? I don’t think so.) We were gestating habits that have now become a barely-commented-on aspect of our daily lives.

How many people are guilty of checking their phones first thing after waking up in the morning? It can be infuriating.

It’s good relationship hygiene to acknowledge the humans before the gadgets. The advice is to keep phones out of the bedroom. That’s a tricky proposition for those who like to sleep with their devices under the pillow.

Admit it. You have checked your phone at a funeral. This is not because you’re insensitive and incapable of empathy at an occasion of sadness. It’s just a reflex action that you engage in because of the easily distracted person you’ve become - a result of being ‘always on’.

There was the case of Leo Varadkar’s partner posting irreverent comments on Instagram (to his private group of 350 followers) at the coronation of King Charles III in May.

I suppose it was one of those extremely rare occasions where being in the inner sanctum and observing a very formal British royal ceremony was irresistible in terms of poking a bit of fun at it from the phone.

Phone use is full of rules (sometimes unspoken). Making an actual call (the whole point of phones, you would think) is often seen as an act of minor aggression.

Not being a digital native, I am only slowly learning that people don’t always like to be contacted in such a direct way.

I can ring (do people still ‘ring?’) friends without invoking their ire. But sometimes, you just want to text them. And often, they’d prefer that. A social outing can be arranged quickly by text.

Taking a call on public transport should be verboten. But how often have we been unwilling witnesses to the domestic details of a stranger, when they insist on having a loud conversation on the bus about what brand of bran flakes they should buy and other trivia. It’s extremely annoying. Why aren’t they more self-conscious?

We really should be more conscious of phubbing. To avoid it, there is a simple solution - just put it away!