Cork parent coach and teen mentor shares  advice ahead of Leaving Cert results

WE are days away from the Leaving Cert results. A day parents and students have been anticipating for many months or possibly even years. Your son or daughter may be very happy with their results but not everyone will be in the same boat. For some the disappointment, fear and sense of loss can be hugely over-whelming.

It can be a time when some students loose track of all perspective and get caught up in the hype of the situation. Emotions can run very high. It is easy for these students to think that their results are the only thing that matter, that these results will be the deciding factor for their future lives - a very scary place to find themselves.

We, their parents, know this is not that case. Some of the happiest and most successful people in the world did not start with top marks in the Leaving Cert; hard work, passion, support and self belief played a large part in their happiness and success - try to give your kids perspective.

Your child may be too close to the situation to realise this and will need time, support, a listening ear and realistic options to help him/her to see the bigger picture.

Be Prepared 

Prior to Leaving Cert results day, have a chat with your child about realistic options, should they not get their top choices. There are many alternative routes they can take, look into this with a friend, career guidance counsellor or maybe an older sibling/family member. Help your kids to realise that there is always a way, there are always choices, they have their health, they have a supportive family and together ye will find a way.

Listen 

Let your child verbalise their feelings (without interruption), they need to let their feelings out in a safe environment. Take your child’s lead, if they are feeling sad, allow them to feel that. If they are delighted, enjoy that with them. We cannot ‘fix’ this for them, even though that is all we may want to do at the time. But we can listen to them and we can support them.

Plan 

Have something planned for the day of results, lunch somewhere they enjoy, a walk, a family get together at home, what ever works for you. This should take place regardless of results.

Comparisons

This can be hugely upsetting. Try not to compare your child’s results with ‘anyone’ else’s results. This is cruel, upsetting and just totally unnecessary. You can be sure that they are already comparing themselves to so many. 

Tell them you are proud of the effort they put in, this is not the time for ‘you should have worked harder’, I think they will come to that conclusion on their own.

These are not ‘our’ results - I see this so often and have certainly experienced it with my own kids. It can be hard for us to accept that these are not ‘our’ results and that they do not reflect on our parenting abilities. If you are feeling upset for your child (and possibly yourself), talk to a family member or a trusted friend. You also need to find a way to deal with this and move on. As parents we have many hopes and dreams for our kids, the Leaving Cert does not stop these dreams, the path may be longer or slightly different to the path we expected, but, there is always a path. It is so important for parents to understand this so that our kids can understand this too.

Time 

Give your child the time to come to terms with his/her results. I would suggest getting results online before going into the school so they can be prepared. They do not have to openly talk about their results to anybody until they are ready. Respect their decision here, they may not want you talking to others straight away either. Don’t let them hear you on the phone to family or friends if you are sharing your disappointment, it is just not fair. They could be in a very vulnerable state and need your support and trust.

Disappointment

Your child may be disappointed, you may also be disappointed and that is to be expected if they did not receive the results they had hoped for, but please, please do not show this disappointment. Your child will feel so dis-appointed in themselves, the last thing they need is to feel that they have disappointed you too. 

Try to stay as positive as possible. Try not to make this about you.

Repeating 

Some kids are happy to repeat the Leaving Cert to get the course they want and that really is up to them. For many though this is not an option, many kids could think of nothing worse that going through it all again. There is no point pushing a child to repeat unless you believe that they are capable and fully committed to working hard to achieve the results they need.

Your child has completed their secondary school cycle, now is a time to be proud, to be grateful, to show your full support and love for them, no matter what the Leaving Cert results are. 

Thousands of students do not get the results or courses they had hoped for, and yes this can be a very difficult time for you all, but this is not the end of the road, this is just the beginning of an exciting future, whatever that future may be.

I am a mum of four and we have had good and not so good times on ‘results day’, but what I have learnt is that there is always a path for our kids, once they have their health, a supporting and loving family, they will be ok.

The very best of luck to the 2023 Leaving Certificate students

About the author 

Eileen Keane Haly, is the Director of jump startyourconfidence.com and author of The Parent. 

Eileen is a qualified Parent Coach, Kids Confidence Coach and Teenage Mentor, with a background in child psychology Email: Eileenkeanehaly@gmail.com 

Instagram- @jumpstartyourconfidence cork 

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