Cork mum: ‘I care for my son round the clock - it does take its toll on you’

Helen Skinner is not her son’s full-time carer by choice. She is Sean’s round-the-clock carer through circumstance and by necessity.

Sean, 34, suffered an acquired brain injury after a tragic traffic accident when a head-on collision occurred on the road. After 15 months in hospital, Helen brought her son home.

“It was very traumatic,” she says. “Sean is home with me now two years. He has to relearn everything from scratch. It wasn’t easy for him, and it wasn’t easy for me to watch.”

It is Helen’s choice to devotedly care for Sean, to advocate for him, and to ensure he gets all the support he deserves to enjoy an increased quality of living.

“It is not an easy role,” says Helen, who lives in West Cork and who is a widow.

“Being a full-time carer takes its toll physically, mentally, and emotionally.”

Some of us don’t see the cost to the carer and their family.

“There is a load of background stuff,” says Helen. “I am constantly on the road bringing Sean to appointments, struggling with waiting lists, and finding activities for him to do. I have to find as much as I can to normalise his life.”

Helen’s life, like that of her son, changed in a split second.

“I was adamant Sean was coming home from CUH and from the rehabilitation unit in Dun Laoghaire and that I’d take care of him,” she says.

Helen is equally adamant her son will survive and thrive.

“It was touch and go the first night of the accident,” she says. “If Sean didn’t make it, I don’t think I would have survived.”

Sean did survive and came home to the caring hands and the caring heart of his mother.

“I will continue to care for Sean while I am fit and able,” says Helen. “It can be a challenge sometimes.”

Who takes care of the carer?

“My question exactly,” says Helen.

“At the end of the day, it is down to myself. Nobody is getting any younger.”

Helen, who is two years caring for Sean this July, adapted to the role.

“Being a full-time carer for a loved one is not an easy role. I feel carers do not get the recognition that they deserve.”

Sean, who has no vision, gets great support from his mother, his full-time carer. “My main focus is to advocate for Sean,” says Helen. “Every day is precious. Nobody knows what is around the corner. Every day we face a new day.”

How does she face every day?

“Humour helps a lot,” she says.

Helen, a mother of four, Sean being the youngest, admits becoming a carer overnight was not easy..

“There was an adjusting period,” she says. “When Sean was in hospital, I had time to prepare.”

She didn’t know what she was preparing for.

“Our world was turned upside down,” says Helen. “I knew I had to prepare things for Sean for when he came home. But prepare for what? I didn’t know what I was planning for.

“I felt like I was in limbo, I just went through the motions, one day at a time. I found it very hard on my own.”

In a sense, she is not alone.

“19,000 acquired brain injuries occur in Ireland every year,” says Helen. “That is 52 a week. The stats are high.”

However, support can be scarce.

“It is difficult for carers to get recognition and more support,” says Helen. “We’ve been working with Acquired Brain Injury Ireland of late and we are getting some support from them.”

Sean has made a new friend too.

“A male adult visits Sean once a week and they go into town,” says Helen. “This helps Sean with his everyday life-skills. It is good for him to have male company so he can talk about things. It is important from his perspective.”

Helen was Sean’s voice for a while

“He chatters away now,” says Helen. “I was his voice for a long time. We communicate.”

“My life changed in a split second,” says Helen. “There was no plan for this. I never though it could happen. An acquired brain injury can happen to anyone anywhere.”

It wasn’t always like this.

“Before the accident and before Sean suffered an acquired brain injury, he worked full time, he was active, he was sporty, and outdoorsy,” says Helen.

“Having no vision and having a brain injury, Sean’s confidence was knocked back.”

She had to grow in confidence too.

“I grieved for the Sean I once knew as I had to get to know the new Sean.”

Helen got new knowledge about ABI - acquired brain injury.

“The brain is a massive instrument,” she says. “It surprises me every day.”

The days for mother and son are long and full.

“We have our regular routine,” says Helen. “It can be extremely hard going. It can be exhausting.

“Having structure is good. We are a team.”

She makes it sound easy.

“Looking in from the outside, I make it look easy!” says Helen, laughing.

Does she get any ‘me’ time?

“If I get 10 minutes in the steam room and 10 minutes in the jacuzzi once a week, I am lucky,” she says.

Meanwhile, despite his injury, Sean is a lucky man. “He is getting stronger every day,” says Helen.

But it is getting harder on Helen every day.

“As Sean is getting stronger, it is harder on me,” admits Helen. “I could do with more support. The little support we have is fantastic. Activities like Sailability are fantastic. Sean enjoys the freedom of the water.

“His brother and his sister who live nearby are very good to him and he loves my grandsons, aged 10 and 12. Sean adores them, and they adore him.”

Helen, carer to Sean 24/7, puts in a super-human effort every minute, every hour, every day, every week, every year.

“It is from the minute I get up until the minute I go to bed,” she says.

It is impossible to do everything.

“I can’t be everything,” adds Helen. “I am only human.

“Things are not going to change anytime soon. I will keep advocating.”

To coincide with National Carers Week 2025 recently, Acquired Brain Injury Ireland was proud to announce the launch of a new digital book, Piecing It Together: Acquired Brain Injury, A Family Perspective.

It is a heartfelt practical guide created by family members caring for a loved one living with an acquired brain injury (ABI).

Acquired Brain Injury Ireland (ABI Ireland), is the leading national provider of community-based neuro-rehabilitation services for people with an acquired brain injury and their families.