Cork etiquette expert: ‘I think there’s a shift to putting away the phones’

Patricia Maybury makes a striking first impression. Poised and well-dressed, the West Cork woman offers a polite handshake accompanied by direct eye contact and a warm smile. A welcome encounter, but hardly a surprising one – Patricia, after all, is an expert in modern etiquette.

Founder of the Etiquette Suite, Patricia provides coaching to help interested parties “master the art of gracious living with confidence and ease”.

She delivers her training to businesses in the corporate and hospitality sectors and also offers bespoke sessions to small groups and individuals.

No two days are the same for Patricia, whether she’s working with a hotel team to elevate their service standards and professionalism, demonstrating the nuances of dining etiquette for ladies on an “elegant hen soirée”, or even advising clients on how to pose for photographs at the races!

The idea for the Etiquette Suite was born from Patricia’s musings on the world of manners, which she describes as “ageless, classless and priceless”.

“I found myself wondering whether my generation was the last one where manners were very black and white,” she tells me. “And I just felt that I’d like to bring manners up to modern times.”

Patricia acknowledges that modern etiquette, by necessity, looks different to the standards of the past.

“As society changes, it evolves and adapts,” she explains. In recognition of this, Patricia has ensured that she has kept up to date with modern rules of behaviour through attending courses online and abroad in London, New York and Zurich. She has even studied with content creator William Hanson, a social media sensation who shares etiquette tips with his millions of followers.

While the concept of etiquette has been resurging in popularity in the UK, US and elsewhere, Patricia could not find courses on the subject in Ireland. She decided, therefore, to establish her own, but not before receiving thoughtful advice from one of the country’s most meticulous personalities – hotelier Francis Brennan, who Patricia describes as “a gentleman of impeccable etiquette.”

Patricia’s passion for etiquette began at home.

“This all comes from my lovely mam, who was a very elegant woman,” she shares. “It’s a legacy for her that I carry this forward with love.”

Patricia, now herself a mother of four adult children and living in Ballineen, was raised behind a butcher’s shop in Macroom, where her parents always instilled in her the importance of good manners.

“My dad, from an early age, would say ‘be sure and say hello to the customers’. So we were networking at age six or seven, without networking even being a word 55 years ago!”

Her route to etiquette training has not been a straightforward one. Patricia began her career as a nurse. After her children were born, she worked in the family pub before returning to healthcare for a time. She then decided to do something completely different, transitioning to fashion and style. “When I hit 50,” she reflects, “I just needed a different avenue.”

Committed to personal development, Patricia pursued courses with Entrepreneurs Academy and Network Ireland West Cork, both of which motivated her to set up her own business. She also relishes the networking opportunities offered by these organisations. “You meet so many people... It’s like the board you can’t afford!”

Patricia loves meeting new people and trying new things, traits that go hand-in-hand with etiquette. She defines her specialism as “a set of guidelines of how to behave within a particular situation”.

She explains: “So for example, you’re going to use your soup spoon for your soup, your citrus spoon for your grapefruit. Then there are manners – which is what I’m all about – treating others with kindness and respect. And the other term that comes under the umbrella of etiquette is international protocol – that’s where we’re talking about ambassadors, royalty, etc.”

People can be wary of the concept of etiquette, perhaps associating it more with the rules of international protocol rather than its everyday applications. Patricia is keen to stress that it is not as strict or regimented as people may think.

“I always say, ‘treat others as you’d like your granny and grandad to be treated – with kindness and respect’... It’s just about being yourself and being honest and not trying to be something other than we are.”

Some top tips for good etiquette include ensuring, “for your first impression, that your posture is positive, your deportment is positive. That you’re comfortable in the clothes that you’re wearing and that your whole demeanour is alive, you’re engaged, you’re smiling, making eye contact, you know how to shake hands correctly.”

Key polite phrases - ‘thank you’, ‘please’, ‘excuse me’ and ‘my pleasure’ - should always be deployed where appropriate.

While this may sound like common sense, there are some frequent etiquette faux pas that Patricia observes in modern society which she believes we all should – and can - avoid. These major etiquette no-no’s include not shaking hands – or having a handshake that is too limp or too forceful – skipping the queue at supermarkets, poor table manners (“your napkin is there,” Patricia advises, “to dab your mouth and keep your clothes clean. Please don’t use it as a handkerchief!”), not sending thank-you messages following an event or receipt of a gift (“a text will even suffice!”), and, of course, the very modern offence of being glued to our phones.

Our increasingly digital world, Patricia believes, has been detrimental to polite society. “It’s so sad,”she says, “because you see people that don’t know how to engage in conversation and that interaction, the networking, is so lost. If there’s 100 people on a bus, 99 people are texting. It’s just so sad.”

Despite this, Patricia is not concerned for the future of etiquette and good manners – in fact, she’s quite optimistic.

“I think there’s a shift back. A shift to putting away the phones and being more polite to others. My whole thing with starting this business was that I believed there was a need to return to what I thought was the lost art of etiquette.”

The popularity of social media accounts like that of the aforementioned etiquette expert William Hanson, and the demand for Patricia’s services, certainly appear to be evidence of this shift back towards politeness.

Patricia believes that we can all make a difference by spreading a bit of kindness to each other.

“If I am nice to you and I’ve made your day, then you’re happy and you’re kind to the next person. It has a ripple effect.”

Patricia Maybury provides professional etiquette training across corporate and hospitality settings, as well as bespoke instruction for individuals and groups.

• See: https://theetiquettesuite.ie/