Julie Helen: 'I feel uneasy about things that might not be accessible'

The alarm went off at 7am on a Saturday. I pressed the snooze button for nine minutes. I have always been a terror for the snooze button. Usually, I wouldn’t have an alarm on a Saturday at all. One of my favourite things is a slow weekend morning with no pressure or schedule to follow.

But, with an energetic six-year-old in my life, slow mornings are few and far between. After one snooze session, I hopped out of the bed. Ricky needed to go to his first football blitz shortly after 9am, and I wanted him to know I was on board. The blitz was organised by Cork GAA, and a few had been postponed due to bad weather. The morning was bright, and we were excited.

I could feel a nervousness creeping into my stomach. It is a particular feeling I get when Ricky embarks on doing something I have never been able to do. My disability comes into my mind; my difference, and my inability to participate in any activities in the GAA, make me worry that Ricky will pick up on my feelings. Luckily, he didn’t.

I want to do all the right things by my son, and I know I am a little on the fringes when something is beyond my own lived experience. I feel uneasy that things might not be accessible and that might impact Ricky. I absolutely know I worry about this needlessly and too much. Most of the time, I can figure things out, but before I go anywhere, I feel the uncertainty.

We were going to a club close by. It didn’t take Ricky long to get ready in all his gear, and we struck off. I was delighted that we arrived a good few minutes early, so I was able to get a car space right in front of the pitch.

I assured Ricky that particular spot was exactly where I would be if he needed me at any stage. I had already spoken to the coaches about staying in the car, while always being nearby if I was needed for anything, just in case Ricky got a bang or anything.

Ricky bounced out of the car, and I saw him meeting his friends and another lovely Mom minded his drink bottle for him. I relaxed a little. Ricky was confident and sure about what he was doing and I was installed in a good place with plenty of space to get out of the car if I needed to.

Then, a man came along who was organising parking, and he asked me to re-park so they could get another one in beside me. I explained how I had parked that way to give myself space because I am disabled.

He was very helpful and began explaining how there were accessible spaces up by the clubhouse, but I explained I needed to stay put because Ricky knew where I was, and I wanted to be able to watch.

I tidied up my parking, knowing that I could reverse out of the space if I needed to get out of the car. I felt embarrassed; I hadn’t done anything wrong, but it might have come across like I wasn’t able to park well.

In the end, I didn’t need to get out of the car, and Ricky came back to me full of joy.

Each time we go, things will get more familiar for me and all the people around us will get used to me too. The initial uneasy feeling usually dissipates fast and it is worth it for Ricky to do activities he enjoys.