How the dating scene has changed in Cork

CORK’S dating trends have changed dramatically since the pandemic, according to two of the country’s matchmaking agencies.

“Young people just aren’t going out any more,” says Jennifer Haskins of Two’s Company.

“And when they do, they are on their phones.”

Some 38% of her company’s clients live in Cork. Jennifer and her team have been in business for 16 years and have seen a sharp rise in people contacting them in recent months.

“People - especially women who want children - felt like they had lost three years of their lives to Covid-19, so they were very anxious to meet someone, once they could leave their homes again,” she said.

But even that has become more complicated.

“Before the pandemic, people would have met for a drink after work, but now, because they are working from home, this is harder to do,” says Jennifer.

“Cork’s city centre has also changed. A lot of restaurants and bars have closed, or are only open a few nights a week, so there are not enough places to socialise.”

She says the surge in singles choosing a more traditional route to finding a partner such as using a matchmaker like her, feels like a backlash to social media apps like Tinder and Bumble.

“AI simply doesn’t work and people who have been using it for a while are very disillusioned, with good reason. 

The internet de-personalises people. It’s easy to forget that there is an actual human being on the other end of the phone.

“Words like ‘ghosting’, ‘benching’ and ‘bread-crumbing’ are all negative terms associated with online dating and there are no positive terms to describe the experience. Many of our clients have had their confidence eroded while using these apps, because some people behave so badly online.”

Another trend Jennifer has noticed post-pandemic is how independent women have become.

“Cork women are well-educated, have good jobs, might have a beautiful car and a nice house, but are still looking for someone to share their lives with.

“I’m seeing more and more women who’ve had their eggs frozen and are prepared to be a single parent, if they can’t find someone to have a baby with.”

Jennifer says this shift in traditional roles has left men feeling emasculated.

“It’s getting harder for men, because they don’t feel like they are needed anymore. Men aren’t sure where they fit into the puzzle if they are not the chief provider and feel like they have become an accessory in a relationship.”

She’s even had to coach couples before they meet each other.

“I often have to tell high-achieving women, ‘you may have broken the glass ceiling, but at the end of the day, when you meet the man, you have to embody the feminine’. 

He’s looking for a woman, not someone to arm wrestle with over the dinner table or someone who has a lot of ego and opinions.

“It doesn’t mean a woman has to dumb herself down, but people need to understand that a date isn’t a business meeting and they both need to leave their corporate hat at home. They are looking for an equal. A partner. A date is not something that should be competitive.”

This huge shift in roles is something Feargal Harrington, Managing Director of Intro Matchmaking, has also noticed.

“Marriage is no longer the goal anymore and Irish society isn’t keeping up with women. Women are brilliant planners and if they want something, they will make it happen, but that can often bring with it unrealistic expectations.

“Most women ask for a man who is more than 6ft tall, when the average height of an Irish male is 5’7’’. Similarly, you’ll have a man come in who’s 48 and wants a woman who’s 30-35, that’s not going to happen.”

Feargal and his staff say one in four of their matches ends in success. The company turns away more people than it takes on, which Feargal says is down to people having a bad attitude.

Both agents agree a lack of flexibility when it comes to geography is also a huge sticking point.

“People simply won’t move,” continues Feargal. “Far more women live in urban areas now because they spend longer in education. But a man might have a farm in an isolated area he was left by his parents and expect a woman to leave her whole life to come and live with him. Or you’ll have people who are used to using a 10km radius on their dating apps and wonder why they are seeing the same people come up time and time again. They simply won’t compromise.”

Jennifer says living in Cork can be a blessing and a curse for singles. “It’s such a big county so you might have to travel up to two or three hours to meet one of our matches, especially if the roads are bad. 

It’s OK if you are living in Cork city, but if you are from West Cork and are matched with someone in the East of the county, then that can be difficult.

But she says those with an open mind about travel are at a huge advantage.

“If you are willing to increase your search to people from Kerry, Tipperary or Waterford, for example, you’re much more likely to meet someone, as people love coming to Cork city for a night out and it offers them a bit of anonymity too, and Irish people love their privacy.”

As well as being close-minded about travelling a few extra kilometres to find a partner, Jennifer says Cork women often refuse to date men who aren’t Irish.

“I have highly educated men on my books from Africa and India who have good jobs, but women won’t consider them. There is still a lot of stigma around men who aren’t Catholic and while women might say they are open-minded, they still care what their parents and the neighbours think. In this sense, Irish men are more open to dating non-Irish women, so they tend to be at an advantage.”

The country’s ongoing housing crisis is also a factor in the post-pandemic dating scene.

“Irish people still aren’t getting legally separated or divorced,” explains Feargal. “So you’ll have two people living under the same roof, because they are either too stubborn to give up the house or can’t afford to move out. This means they are in a toxic, loveless, complicated environment and that’s very hard to sell to a potential partner.”

But, despite these factors, both agents have had success in finding love for their clients, especially in Cork. According to a 2022 survey by the travel group Big 7, Cork was voted number 40 in the best European cities to be single in, something that doesn’t surprise Jennifer.

“We have had more successful relationships in the past year from Cork than ever before. Cork people are friendly and up for the craic.”

But Feargal has words of warning for those who are too laid back about finding a mate.

“Irish people love the expression ‘what’s for you won’t pass you by’, but I don’t agree. If you want to find love you need to be pro-active and put yourself out there in person.”

Jennifer’s top ideas for a date in Cork:

Crawford Art Gallery, followed by lunch or dinner.

Blackrock Castle Observatory, dine in the castle café.

A kayaking tour of the city.

Visit Fota Wildlife Park.

A trip to Kinsale.