John Dolan: Another Irish Eurovision flop... only Cork can restore our pride
Example: The Eurovision Song Contest.
Last year, you might recall that Macroom singer Bambie Thug restored national pride in the annual extravaganza, after a string of dismal failures from other counties for the previous two decades.
Only the second act to represent the Rebel County on the Eurovision stage in our 57 appearances, Bambie actually qualified from the semi-final, then came a highly-creditable sixth in the final with the song .
The song and stage show was hip, it was different, and it finally showed the rest of Europe that Ireland (well, Cork) was capable of a bit more than run-of-the-mill pap pop and self-pitying ballads. We could do weird and wonderful with the best of them.
Bambie’s was the best Irish result in this millennium, after we had dominated the contest in the latter years of the 20th century, winning a record seven times.
Sadly, in recent years, Ireland had found simply getting out of the semi-final an impossible task.
A Cork singer changed all that, so what did RTÉ and the great Irish public do this year? They opted for a singer that wasn’t just Not-Cork, but was Not-Ireland!
Which would be all very well if the entry by Norwegian singer and songwriter Emmy was a banger.
Alas, reader, I have to tell you that said song, , is just not up to scratch.
Emmy’s song imagines an alternative fate in which the animal, instead of dying, experiences an endless party in space. It sounds like hell to me, floating around an endless void for eternity, waiting for Come On Eileen to be played, but you get the gist. And, hey, dead dog. Everyone say ‘Aaaah’.
is not the worst song in the world, but it just doesn’t quite cut the mustard, and I strongly suspect it will be another semi-final flop, and will fail to make the grand final in Switzerland a fortnight today.
Which would be a shame, as last year, with Bambie Thug, the young people of Ireland finally got an idea of how much fun a Eurovision Song Contest final party can be when this country has a genuine contender for glory.
However, the good news is I have a solution to this malaise.
In 2026, we should beg another Cork singer, Lyra, to write and perform a song that will fly the flag for Ireland on the big stage.
There have been rumours swirling round for years that RTÉ want her to represent Ireland in the contest, and in recent interviews, Lyra, from Bandon, expressed enthusiasm for the idea.
However, she also insisted she wanted to release her second album - due out later this year - before committing to it.
Hopefully, by early next year, the time will be right, the stars will align, and Lyra will be up for the challenge.
She said in the past: “Representing Ireland is a massive honour for any artist. Eurovision is one of the biggest stages in the world.
“I’ve always said I’d love to write a song for the Eurovision, I’d definitely be up for writing a song for it. But I am the type of girl that once I’m in something, I really want to do it and do it well and as best as I can.
“I’m so proud to be Irish and to represent Ireland in the Eurovision is a massive opportunity to try and win.”
Consider hat firmly thrown into ring there.
As well as being a fine songwriter, whose work has been played on TV shows such as and , Lyra crucially has the voice and stagecraft to really sell a performance on the Eurovision stage. Anyone who saw her at Live at the Marquee in 2024 will testify to that.
So, if RTÉ and the rest of the country have any sense. we will hopefully be celebrating a Cork Eurovision winner next year... but what of 2025?
Well, if I told you that a song about a dog floating in space was not the wackiest in this year’s contest, you might think... well, you might think, of course it’s not - this is Eurovision after all!
The hot favourite to win is actually a song by three Finnish comedians for Sweden, about the love for a good... sauna.
But of course!
Yes, the band, KAJ, spend just over three minutes extolling the virtues of getting all steamed up Scandi-style.
The song (Let’s Just Sauna) is performed in Swedish so its translated English lyrics sound even more hilarious. The first verse goes:
I hate myself for admitting this, but it’s fun, it’s catchy, and it really could be a winner this year - especially if, as I suspect, Europe wants a daft diversion from all the ills and wars and rancour of the world.
I mean, what is more likely to get your vote on May 17 - a song by an Israeli survivor of the Hamas attack on October 7, 2023, or a song by Slovenia called How Much Time Do We Have Left? about a diagnosis of cancer?
Or a ditty by three dippy blokes going crazy about the benefits of a hot, relaxing de-stress?
This is 2025, and I sense a daftness is descending on Eurovision.
The bad news for Ireland is that, if the sauna song does win, Sweden will move ahead of us on a record eight triumphs in the contest.
That cannot be right.
It’s time Ireland rediscovered its winning habit in this silly competition, and only Cork can help us do that.
RTÉ, call Agent Lyra.
App?
