Trevor Laffan: 'I have no desire to get naked in public'

The media in the UK has been warning British tourists holidaying on the Algarve this summer that they could face £1,250 fines if they are caught walking along the street in their bikinis or swim shorts.

Town hall chiefs in the resort of Albufeira have announced the penalty as part of a crackdown on semi-nudity away from exempted areas such as beaches and hotel swimming pools.

I’m in favour of that.

I don’t like it when I encounter a hairy, bare-chested sweaty, male in the supermarket or sitting beside me in a bar or a restaurant. It’s not too difficult to throw on a t-shirt and show some respect.

It’s not a good look, and isn’t very hygienic either, so it’s no harm to impose a bit of decorum.

And any badly-behaving tourists who strip off completely on the street or get caught having sex in public are set to be hit even harder in their pockets, with maximum fines for falling foul of those laws set at £1,500 under the new draft rules.

Holidaymakers caught weeing where they shouldn’t, could also be fined the same amount.

This clampdown comes in the aftermath of an incident in a pub last year, when a group of partying British tourists put on a display of public nudity which shocked locals and left them questioning the type of visitor the town is attracting.

Thankfully, I have never felt the need to strip off in public. My body isn’t designed as an exhibition piece anyway.

I have occasionally dreamt about finding myself naked at a public gathering, and the fright of that has woken me in a puddle of sweat, so I have no desire to try the real thing.

While I don’t understand why anyone would want to swan around in the nude, there are many who seem to get a kick out of it.

For those of that mindset, their needs are well catered for by the Irish Naturist Association (INA), which was founded in 1966 and has been on the go for nearly 60 years.

Apart from joining the various naturist organisations, there are other opportunities for enthusiasts to get their kit off too, such as World Naked Hiking Day and World Naked Bike Ride (WNBR).

WNBR is described as a worldwide campaign to protest against the global dependency on oil, to curb car culture, obtain real rights for cyclists, demonstrate the vulnerability of cyclists on city streets, and celebrate body freedom.

One naturist claimed on the INA website that, while there might be a reluctance at first to strip off in front of others, many people trying naturism for the first time have trouble putting their clothes back on at the end.

I think that might be stretching it a bit.

If walking through the countryside is your thing, why is it necessary to do it in the nip? I can’t think of a single reason why that would be appealing, but I can think of several why it might be foolhardy, especially in Ireland.

We don’t get that many days when it’s warm enough to go around in a pair of shorts and a t-shirt, and even when we do, that can change in a flash (no pun intended).

So, why expose your wobbly bits to the elements?

We’re not short of insects here either, and there are a few places I wouldn’t particularly fancy getting stung or bitten.

The INA claims to be a rapidly- growing movement that promotes naturism or non-sexual nudity.

A spokesman told the Irish Examiner: “People might see you, when they are out and about, but they rarely take offence. In actual fact, many people are just happy to come across something different for a change. It’s very unusual and unexpected.”

It certainly is that.

If I came across a bunch of naked hikers, I don’t think I would be offended but I would definitely be taken aback. After all, it’s not something you see every day and I’m sure I would probably be more amused than upset.

One enthusiast commented, “People we meet along the way often compliment us and tell us we are brave and wish they were brave enough to do it too.

“When you do experience it, you quickly lose that fear of judgement. It is of great benefit to your self-confidence.”

I fail to see how taking my jocks off would raise my confidence, so let’s just agree to differ on that one.

The naked bike ride day aims to highlight the dangers presented to cyclists on the road. The Road Safety Authority and An Garda Síochána do the same thing, but thankfully they remain fully clothed.

Cyclists are invited to go ‘as bare as you dare’ to emphasise how vulnerable cyclists are, and to challenge car culture and promote cycling as a sustainable alternative. Cleaner environment, safer roads, healthier lifestyles, better attitudes is their theme.

The Echo reported last summer that Green Party councillor Dan Boyle, Lord Mayor of Cork, was criticised for his decision to pose with a group of nude cyclists who were participants in the annual naked cycle charity event.

Mr Boyle said: “The World Naked Bike Ride has taken place in Cork since 2009 and has been greeted on the steps of Cork City Hall by many previous Lords Mayor.”

He said he was particularly supportive of the underlying message of the bike ride, that the nakedness is a symbol of the fragility that many cyclists feel when competing for road space with much larger, more dangerous vehicles.

Fair enough, but surely they could spread the same message while wearing protective clothing, which would also be helpful in the event of an accident or a fall from their bikes?

It would make life easier for the guy who has to clean the saddles too.