How not to be fooled by a Valentine's Day con artist chasing cash

WE live in such a cynical, money-grubbing world that a declaration of love too quickly in an online relationship is a red flag for a romance scam.

And if you’re a woman living alone, particularly aged forty-plus up to your late sixties, beware. You could be targeted by a scammer, preying on your loneliness or just trying to appeal to whatever bit of vanity you have.

Younger women are less likely to fall for these criminals, whose bottom line is money.

With Valentine’s Day around the corner, it’s important not to believe guys with picture perfect photos (often photo-shopped or just stolen) portraying themselves as handsome and available.

For some reason, I received a number of ‘friend’ requests on Facebook some time back which were laughably and obviously fake. They were from guys (often ‘widowed’) who wouldn’t look out of place in fashion catalogues, modelling shirts. One of them was pictured leaning against a convertible.

Now, I’m a sucker for a convertible as much as any gal, but I’m not that easily fooled.

But unfortunately, lots of women walk into situations that they think are romantic until they discover the mercenary motives of men supposedly looking for a little romance.

Since the start of the pandemic, romance scams have increased all over the world. In Ireland, incidences jumped by 150% in 2020, shooting up to a similar level in 2021, according to Garda figures.

What is astonishing is how people are taken in. But no doubt, living an isolated life, with a desire for the endorphin-release provided by the buzz of a budding relationship, is enough to keep some fairly gullible women (and some men) interested.

When this country was in lockdown for a considerable amount of time in 2020, more than €1million was lost by Irish people chasing love. How can this happen in a world that is saturated with warnings about online scams?

Some of us won’t answer the phone if the call is coming from an unknown number. Yet, people are clearly being ripped off in worrying numbers when it comes to fake relationships.

Remember, if a guy sounds too good to be true, he probably is a con artist. Do not believe him if he declares love after just a few conversations. Our world doesn’t work like that.

But you might be fooled in one of those long term online liaisons where the guy eventually professes his love for you. It could be a case of grooming.

Apparently, these scammers can have forty or fifty women on the go, playing psychological games, appealing to personality traits that the women reveal.

Just who are these con artists that can literally ruin people’s lives? They are often working from cubicles in warehouses in the Nigerian capital of Lagos. ‘Work’ is just a game to them with a view to extracting money from their targets.

They use fake stories of tragic life circumstance such as deaths in their families, medical conditions and other hardships to keep their love interests (or victims) concerned.

Often, the scammers ask their victims to send money to help them with a difficult financial situation. Falling for such a scam seems really thick. But presumably, if someone is vulnerable, they can be susceptible.

Some criminals are looking for people to launder money for them that was gained illegally. If a supposed romantic interest you’ve only known for a brief period wants to send you a lot of money, refuse to accept it and quit communicating with the person.

The guy who just can’t get it together to actually meet you in person is a person of interest - but not in a good way. He’s all set to visit but suddenly, his mother has taken ill and is in hospital. So the first meeting with the guy is postponed. And this continues.

The pandemic helped make scammers’ stories about not being able to meet in person more credible.

Another ruse for not showing up is for the con artist to say he has tested positive for Covid. (Covid has so much to answer for.)

Whatever happened to face-to-face dating? Not having dipped my toes in that tricky game for a long time, I kind of like the idea of the 20-minute coffee date. It’s enough time to establish the person’s politics and financial standing.

Well, who wants to carry a ne’er do well, draining you of your hard-earned cash?

Twenty minutes is also enough time to check out if there’s any chemistry between two people.

Of course, there are people who don’t immediately inspire desire but they’re sometimes the ones you can grow to lurve.

They may be at a severe disadvantage trying to sell themselves in a tight window of time.

It’s all a bit of a minefield. Love’s path never runs smoothly.