How I met my partner: The proof is in the pudding when it comes to Hollywood dreams

Actor and film director Owen on meeting Jessica

I WAS at a Christmas party in Hollywood on December 19, 2003, when I first met Jessica. The party host — playing matchmaker — took me aside early in the evening and pointed out which of her friends were single. I’ll never forget the moment she pointed to Jessica, and the strong attraction I felt. When we later started talking, I remember us laughing and having a lot in common.

As I was about to ask for her phone number, I somehow got distracted — probably seeing another friend, or perhaps getting a drink to work up some courage. When I turned around again, she was gone, not just gone from the room, but from the party. Just like that, she disappeared. Oh well…

About an hour and a half later, she reappeared. I got her phone number, and the next day we met up at Venice Beach. It was a wonderful afternoon, just walking along the boardwalk, chatting about all aspects of life, and we even danced in the drum circle on the beach.

We then met for lunch on Christmas eve, and when I phoned her on Christmas morning, she was feeling congested and was having to cancel her Christmas plans with family. I was spending the day with friends and was able to put together a plate of Christmas dinner to bring her later that afternoon. I think that marked the beginning of our relationship.

Jessica and I are both artists which played a big part in our bonding. I struggled in prior relationships with people who didn’t understand the nature of an artist. To be with somebody who doesn’t understand why we’re compelled to do what we do can present challenges. It’s not something that can truly be explained to somebody who doesn’t experience that kind of drive themselves, considering, at least in my case, it’s largely inexplicable.

When I first realised that Jessica shared the same understanding as me in that area, I felt that we had a very good chance of working out. I had heard some years before, that the secret to a good relationship is shared interests and common goals. I have certainly found that with Jessica, having created multiple feature films and other projects as a team.

We’re both happy with the direction our lives are going. I am invested in her journey and she is invested in mine, which has brought us collectively to a good place. We also laugh quite a bit, and we respect each other’s choices. I think we were lucky to find each other and to have a relationship with a natural flow.

Owen and Jessica’s first Christmas Day together

This still hurts to talk about, but that Christmas day when she was sick and I brought her Christmas dinner, I included a big slice of plum pudding. Now, to put this in context, I have no idea where you could buy a plum pudding in Los Angeles. It’s not really a thing in America, even though, in my opinion, it is the greatest dessert ever invented.

This particular plum pudding was homemade and had been sent over from Ireland so giving her a slice was a great sacrifice. Of course I didn’t tell her that at the time — I just dropped it off with the Christmas dinner and left. When she recovered a few days later and thanked me for the dinner, I said, “How was the plum pudding?”

I was expecting a jubilant response to such an incredible, coveted, culinary delight. However, she told me that she had taken one small bite of it, didn’t like it, and threw it into bin. YOU WHAT??!! It had never occurred to me that she wouldn’t have understood that it needed to be heated, covered in whiskey, set on fire, and topped with cream in order to become the greatest dessert ever invented, so it really was my fault.

Even still, I’m not sure if 19 years later, I’m truly over the loss.

Now every year at Christmas, my mother sends us a plum pudding from Cork, and Jessica loves it. We often talk about that first slice of plum pudding that ended up in the bin, and I think we’ll probably be laughing about it forever.

Actor and film director Jessica on meeting Owen

I first met Owen Dara at a Hollywood Christmas party our mutual friend was having. I think I heard the accent before I saw the face, and all American women are born with a weakness for the Irish brogue. We chatted and flirted and I’m sure I was blushing the whole time. However, I had to leave early and support my best friend Kate across town who was on a TV show that night. I realised I was running late so just I took off.

After her episode aired, Kate asked how the other party was, and I told her about the super charming Irish lad who was funny, tall, good looking and had those baby blues. Kate, who may or may not be a witch, had a “feeling” and told me to go back to the party and ask him out. She made me pinkie swear.

Rule number one of being cool — when you leave a party you don’t come back. But I promised, so I told myself if there was a parking spot, I would be brave, go back in, and ask him out. This is LA, and street parking is not easy, so I assumed I wouldn’t have to. But what do you know, as I passed the party, a Volkswagen bug was pulling out right in front.

Our first lunch date was on Christmas eve in Santa Monica. I’m obsessively early so when Owen arrived five minutes early, I was already half way done with my soup and tea. I don’t remember what we talked about, but I do remember thinking I could listen to that accent forever. We said goodbye and planned for another date.

As I watched him walk down the street and turn the corner, something very odd happened: I got sick… super sick. I was fine one minute before, but as soon as he was out of sight, I could feel one of the worst flus of my life hit me. On Christmas Day, I was supposed to go to my brother’s, but I was so sick, I had to stay home. I felt so weak that I couldn’t even open presents. I was curled up on the couch covered in blankets, watching bad TV when Owen called just to say Merry Christmas. When he heard I was sick, he asked for my address. I must have been completely out of it because I gave it to him even though I looked horrendous. I mean I was sooo sick.

He arrived with leftovers from the Irish party he attended and a little stuffed pony. That was the moment I knew he was different from others. This guy left a party early with a gift and food for a sick girl he barely knew — on Christmas Day. But, it almost didn’t work out. He not only brought me dinner, but also a dessert that he called Christmas pudding. Later that night I woke up starving, and I took one bite and decided that it wasn’t worth the calories and threw it away. Owen was less than pleased. To him I threw away a piece of his home, his culture.

Somehow he forgave me, and we have been together ever since. Going on 20 years.

The best advice I was given about having a healthy relationship was by my late auntie Anne. She always said: “A relationship should make your life easier, not harder.” So now my life is easier, full of adventure and I’ve even learned to love Christmas pudding.