‘We all lost the most important person in our life... it’s rotten, but we are not alone’

When Michael Herbert’s wife, Ann, passed away eight years ago, he says he found himself in a very difficult position as he didn’t know where to turn for help and advice.

So, he founded a support group along with Caroline O’Leary to provide help for some of the approximately 200,000 widowed persons living in Ireland.

Called Widowed and Bereaved Partners Ireland (WBPI), the group has gone from strength to strength.

Michael explains: “Our aim is to improve the circumstances our community has found itself in, advocate for those who are struggling to be heard, and raise awareness of the challenges widowed and bereaved partners face.

“We’re an advocacy organisation that emerged from the Widowed in Ireland support group founded in 2019.”

Michael, from Limerick, says as well as dealing with grief, widowed people also face other practical issues when a loved one dies.

“You can go from having two incomes to one, and the widow’s pension can never replace a full income,” he explains.

“All of the work you did doubles and the bills are now being paid from one income, and this can leave people in devastating circumstances while trying to grieve the loss of their partner.

“Add to that the children that will miss their parent at every milestone in their life and you begin to see how the loss of a partner stays with the whole family into the future.”

The family will never be the same again, and that is where is it is vital to offer proper support and advise, Michael says.

“Unfortunately, these people who are adjusting to these financial strains continue to be treated largely the same as other single income households within the tax and social welfare system,” he adds.

One of the group’s successes surrounded issues around passports for children, as Michael explains.

“Every time a passport needs renewing, the partner must provide a death cert and affidavit. One of our members has three very young children. So, as the passport only lasts five years, she will have to go through both of these requirements each time, that’s 18 times in total.

“That’s not only impractical but its bordering on cruel, and it’s not necessary.

“Thankfully, we have had an improvement with this situation as we have just received news, through a Parliamentary Question in the Dáil, that the Passport Office has now dispensed with the requirement to provide a death certificate each time a child’s passport is renewed.

“A death certificate will now only need to be supplied with the first passport application following the death of the other parent.”

It’s a step in the right direction, Micheal says, “but we have much more to do”.

The increase in the income threshold for widowed and bereaved partners, from €44,000 to €46,500, announced in budget 2027, is also a welcome step, Michael says, but it does not go far enough to address the financial and social challenges faced by bereaved partners across Ireland.

Widowed and Bereaved Partners Ireland aims to address the following issues:

Those in receipt of Widow’s Pension are unable to claim statutory sick pay, creating a serious gap in support during illness.

Income thresholds can limit access to additional social welfare payments, grants, medical cards, and other essential supports.

There is a need for dedicated staff within the Social Welfare Department who understand bereavement and how different payments and circumstances affect each other.

Members of the WDPI have raised concerns about moving on after bereavement, along with the need for social prescribing and counselling in schools after a parent’s death.

The group wants to create a formal body to signpost supports, represent widowed and bereaved partners, and help shape national policy and procedure.

To ensure grief counselling, practical supports, and clearer personal guidance around entitlements are accessible to widowed partners and their children.

To press for reforms relating to payments for bereaved spouses and partners, including better clarity, flexibility, and fairness.

So, what is the process for joining Widowed and Bereaved Partners Ireland?

Michael is very clear. When you join you must be vetted.

“We have very vulnerable people as members and we must protect them, everyone in the group understands this as we have a duty of care, our group must be a safe space.”

There are more than 25,000 members on the group’s Facebook page from every county in Ireland and the group is growing.

“Members meet up and form firm friendships and offer support to one another,” adds Michael.

Macroom lady Kathleen Barrett who was widowed at 53, explains what the group means to her.

“It’s the best group I’ve ever joined. I have found wonderful friends, both male and female, that are on the same journey as me, we understand one another’s situation. I have found a community that gets it.

“It feels a bit strange at the first meet-up but then you realise that it’s exactly what you need as our stories may be different but the common fact is this: We all lost the most important person in our life. It’s rotten, but we are not alone.

“You can share your heartache and learn how we support one another even if you don’t want to say a word.”

Denise Murphy, who lives in Carrigtwohill lost her husband Mick almost three years ago when she was only 43 years old.

She says being able to connect with others who understand her situation in WBPI has been a lifeline.

“Weekends can be long and lonely,” she adds, “walks and lunches and other meet-ups with people in the same or similar situation is wonderful,

“I’d be lost without them, and my children don’t have to worry about me as much.”

You can contact the group on the Facebook page, Widowed & Bereaved Partners Ireland, or you can complete a form on their website, www.wbpi.ie

Contact Michael Herbert on 087-2769476

Or email: wbpireland@gmail.com