7 tips to help guide teenage boys to fulfil their potential
“The simplest solution for a good night’s sleep is to go old school, buy a real alarm clock, and charge the phone downstairs," the duo advise.
Teenage boys often get a bad press, and it can be hard for parents to see how some irresponsible and careless risk-takers can possibly transform into decent young men.
There’s no doubt some could do with a bit of help - and father-and-son team Andy and Oliver Cope are hoping to provide that through their new book, , which aims to help boys and young men grow in confidence, build helpful habits, spend less time glued to screens, upgrade their relationships, strengthen resilience, and fulfil their potential.
The pair teamed up to write a teenage ‘survival guide’ as Andy has a PhD in positive psychology, while Oliver, 26, is completing a university thesis examining the link between social media and attention spans.
Oliver says: “Teenagers have always had to deal with exams, relationships and the pressures of fitting in, but the modern world is punching harder. Lads are having to grow up in this swirling mass of confusion - it’s no wonder they’re getting lost.”
Here’s their advice on how teenage boys can navigate their way to being good men...
Adolescence is a crucial time for young men to develop their social muscles, though today a lot of teenage boys’ socialisation happens online via social media or video games, say the authors.
“While some social interaction is better than none, online interactions can’t compete with face-to-face socialising,” stresses Oliver. “Boys need to learn how to understand the nuances of other people’s expressions and gestures, learn to take and make jokes, to read the room, and to resolve conflict calmly. “
He suggests joining clubs to meet new people or taking part in face-to-face activities with friends outside of school to hone these skills.
Screen-free meal times should be non-negotiable, says Oliver, adding: “It encourages presence over absence, and depth over small talk.”
He says research has found family mealtimes at tables, and with no screens, boosts psychological wellbeing and improves social lives in young people, and their parents too.
Teenagers have always compared themselves to others, but social media has taken it into overdrive, says Oliver, who highlights the famous saying that ‘comparison is the thief of joy’.
“Now, instead of comparing yourself to the people around you, you’re comparing yourself to people whose entire job is to show off, using filters to improve their appearance and renting cars to show fake wealth,” he points out.
“This can leave you always comparing upwards or chasing the wrong thing, setting unrealistic standards of what it means to be happy or successful.”
He says that while setting goals is important, it should come from discovering what you’re passionate about, “not what someone with a Ferrari or a six-pack tells you on Instagram.”
Over half of all teenagers are chronically under-sleeping, despite sleep being critically important for the teenage developing brain, stresses Oliver.
“Sleep is the chance for the brain to recover from the stresses of teenage life, and a good night’s sleep is critical for performance at school. Mobile phones and bedrooms do not mix - the endless supply of content on social media keeps your brain awake, while the blue light stops your brain from getting tired.
“The simplest solution for a good night’s sleep is to go old school, buy a real alarm clock, and charge the phone downstairs.”
Oliver says research shows children praised for natural talent soon give up when the going gets tough, while children praised for effort will keep going. So parents should be mindful to praise their child’s effort, not really their talent.
Help your son prepare to fail - it happens to all of us. “There are times in life when things don’t go our way,” says Oliver. “Great men aren’t those who never make mistakes, but those who know how to accept their failings and learn from them.”
Oliver points out social media algorithms learn what you want to see before you know you want to see it. “It’s like they do the job of daydreaming for you,” he says. “Time spent fantasising and about where you want to be is vital to understand what you want to get out of life.”
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