Corkonians Abroad: Germany is so serious, but I love it

I arrived one snowy morning in the Bons maternity hospital in Cork, on February 14.

My two older brothers, Michael and David, were not completely happy that they now had a sister (but they got over it).

My parents, Kitty and Jim, were both born and bred Corkonians to the bone.

I grew up, probably like most children did back then in the 1980s and ’90s. We lived in a small terraced house (my parents’ home still) in an estate by The Lough, full of young families, so I spent a lot of my childhood around there and ‘on the road’ with my friends, on my boot skates, playing ‘tip the can’, watching the boys do tricks on their bikes, or rolling out break-dancing mats and blasting Run DMC on ghetto blasters.

When I turned six, my parents enrolled me in the Cork School of Music with the renowned flautist and Lyric FM presenter, Evelyn Grant, and so my life with music began.

Music was something that always came easily to me, it was always a part of my life, in a very natural way.

I remember practicing in the summertime with the windows open and my neighbours would come out to listen, and one neighbour asked me could I make a ‘cassette’ for him - shortly after that summer he sadly passed away. I think of him every time I go by his house on College Road. This was the first time that I noticed how important music would be in my life.

So, I moved through my grades and watched the School of Music school grow, and the possibility for me to study there came at the exact time I finished my leaving cert in St Al’s. I think we were the second year to study there for a Bachelor’s and Master of Arts at the School.

A Life Of Music

Cork is, I guess, a small city. It always felt a little too small, not enough, like I was missing out on something bigger, something more mature, somewhere else in the world.

But now, looking back, I feel that after living abroad for a while, maybe this wasn’t the case at all.

Yes, it’s small, but the city has everything, it’s all there somehow, there is nothing missing. And it’s growing and changing too, so quickly.

This is something I notice and feel every time I come home.

There is so much art, music, culture, and creativity, in the people, in the way we speak and move, on the streets, in these tiny, simple buildings, the art galleries, on the radio stations, our amazing DJs, bands, all the concerts, live music, theatres, and events, that are constantly happening all over the city.

And the shops, the boutiques, the restaurants, the cafes, the night life (I’ll never forget Sir Henry’s where I spent the best nights of my life!), and the places to study, like the Cork School of Music, which is now turning out world-acclaimed musicians, composers, and conductors.

I can honestly say I had an amazing musical education that still stands to me today, and I pass it all on to my own students, only now in German, and in the small town of Salem by the lake of Konstanz.

I am teaching cello and flute at the Schloss Salem International Collage, and Salem Musikschule.

How did you end up in Germany?

Towards the end of my master’s, I ended up going on a short, unplanned weekend break to Berlin with my that time boyfriend.

I remember saying to him: “Berlin? Germany? Who wants to go there? The war, the Germans, aren’t they supposed to be really cold and unfriendly, and I can’t speak a word of German, etc.”

But, I packed a bag, and next thing I knew I was getting out of a taxi in Hackascher Markt in the centre of Berlin and fell immediately in love with the city - its streets, its beautiful romantic buildings, the relaxed way of life, and the feeling of being in a huge mature city with so much culture art and history .

I quickly made life-long friends and somehow got into the Academy of the Deutch Opera Berlin, where I received private lessons, both in cello and flute, and enjoyed countless amazing nights at the opera and at the Berlin philharmonic.

After two years of this, and hanging out in every café in Berlin, reading lots of poetry, and learning a very little amount of German, I met my husband and we decided to move to the lake of Constance, where is he from, to raise our son.

Tell us a little about the culture in Germany?

When I arrived at the beginning, I remember feeling for the first time the ‘coldness’ that German culture is often known for.

But I’ve learned, after being here for 18 years, that it’s not actually a coldness or unfriendliness, it’s just everything is spoken and done a little quieter than at home.

The people are definitely more reserved, but it’s not meant in a negative way, it’s just how they are, how they speak and move.

Friendships aren’t immediate either, the people here take time to really get to know you.

One huge cultural difference, I must admit, is I laugh a lot more when I’m at home. I guess it’s true the German mentality is a little more serious than us lot, they take things seriously, which is sometimes very annoying, but on the other hand good, because we have here a fantastic health care, transport, and social system.

I remember trying to explain to Oisin, my son, when he was about three years old and we were home for Christmas and had put money into the Cork Simon collection boxes, what exactly a homeless person is or an alcoholic or drug addict, as we very rarely see people on the streets here, which is something that I hope our country will one day get a handle on.

What would be your ideal day back in Cork?

It would begin with having one of mom’s amazing breakfasts - she always buys soda bread and berry scones, fresh fruits and cheese from the English Market, and freshly ground coffee from Mahers Pure Coffee. Divine!

My brothers, nephews or niece call over, and we are talking and eating, and the breakfast goes on for hours until I’m filled in on what’s going on ‘on the road’, in The Lough church, who died, what shop has closed, who’s getting married, had a baby, etc.

Then it’s a spin to Kinsale for a walk along the coast, where I’m fighting back the tears at the beauty of my home and how lucky I am to have an amazing, loving family, all alive and healthy and around me.

Then it’s into town to meet friends for lunch, who have known me and stuck by me through all my moves and phases in my life - I love them so much, even more as I get older.

I would probably have coffee cake in... I’d love to say in Perry Street, but that’s gone now, like lots a great places, so the last time we ended up in the café upstairs in the English Market, or in Café Izz - a very cute Palestinian restaurant.

Then maybe over to the Crawford Art Gallery after it has been reopened, then it’s into BTs, trying not to spend too much, but buying it in the end.

Then it’s home in about 30 minutes - you don’t get that in the big cities!

Then later, I would get ready or ‘dolled up’ to go out into town, to a concert or a play or whatever is on in the city, and order a cold, divine half-pint (don’t kill me) of the black stuff with a dash of rasa… Me Daza, usually in Sin É, and then we are only out for ‘the one’, but out all night, everyone shouting over the other.

I must add here that I cannot believe Lennox’s is now gone!

No matter how long I will live abroad, here or wherever in the world, I’ve noticed that I will never really take on or internalise another mentality or way or culture.

I can learn it, but that’s all, as it’s just not me. I will always be Irish, a Cork girl, from a city who shaped me, gave me an amazing childhood, and shaped me into the woman I am today, and taught me how to love the way we do things at home, and it gave me my family and my friends - the people who call me ‘Char’ and know me to my core.

It’s a very special feeling to go through life with that inside your heart and… I’ll always have my accent too, like.

I am playing and teaching cello and flute in Schloss Salem Internat Kollage and Salem Musikschule. If anyone is interested in having an online lesson, please contact me I’d be delighted! charlottesok@gmail.com