Your Dilemmas: My boyfriend is threatening to put a video of us having sex online

In her weekly column, JOAN LONG, a Bishopstown psychologist and psychotherapist, answers readers’ queries

Dear Joan,

I’m writing to you because I need some advice.

I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for two years. A few months ago, while we were having sex, he asked me if he could video record it.

I felt a little uncomfortable about it at the time, but I went along with it. I thought it would be something fun for just the both of us to have.

Last week, we had a row and he got very angry, saying that he would post the video somewhere online and tell everyone we know.

We have made up since and we are getting on fine. But, in the back of my mind, I am left wondering if he will threaten me with that again in our next row.

And if we break up or if he really feels hurt, he may actually post it.

I have asked him to delete it, but he keeps saying he swears that he will never show it to anyone.

I don’t feel comfortable anymore about it and I would feel so much better if I knew that it was deleted.

Dear Reader,

We all make decisions at some point in our lives that are spontaneous and perhaps not thought through enough.

I can totally understand how you went along with your partner’s idea at the time, in spite of feeling uncomfortable about it.

However, you say that you now feel unsure of your trust in him and also feel that he may use it as some form of power and control.

At this point in your relationship, communicating our concerns and having the time and space to do so is crucial.

You must communicate your concerns, reader, and explain to your partner how threatened you feel when it occurs.

You have every right for that recording to be deleted if it causes you discomfort, and your partner needs to accept this and go along with your wishes.

I wish you the very best.

If you have a dilemma that you would like Joan to answer in her weekly column, email features@eecho.ie