Your Dilemmas: My girlfriend's negative energy is dragging me down

In her weekly column, JOAN LONG, a Bishopstown psychologist and psychotherapist, answers readers’ queries
Your Dilemmas: My girlfriend's negative energy is dragging me down

"My problem is that since we have moved in together, she is negative about everything."

Dear Joan,

My girlfriend and I have been together for three years. Last year we moved in together and it has been going well.

From the start of our relationship, I knew that she had a slightly negative attitude towards everything but we used to joke about it and carry on with everything.

My problem is that since we have moved in together, she is negative about everything.

She complains when I go out with my friends because she thinks I might meet someone else.

When we do go out together with friends, she gets moody and causes an atmosphere.

It’s embarrassing because my friends can pick up on it and now, they say they don’t want to socialise with her because they find her difficult to be around.

I don’t know what to do. I love her but her energy is really wearing me down.

I’ve tried everything to please her but she still gives out. Can you help me please?

Dear Reader,

There is an old saying; “If you want to know me, come and live with me”, and I think this applies here greatly.

It sounds like things were easier for you when you could return to your own space.

But now that you are living together, there is nowhere for you to go in order to deal with her attitude.

I’m wondering how it would be if you sat her down and spoke to her about what her mood and attitude is creating in your relationship.

Do you know of any incidents in her life that may be causing this? And if so, has she ever explored talking to someone about it?

For now, reader, you need to focus on what is best for you.

Look at your relationship and identify the positives and negatives.

The most important thing in a relationship is balance and if that is not there, then it needs to be examined closely.

It’s your partner’s choice whether she wants to work on her issues or not but you too have the choice and responsibility of doing what is right for you. I wish you all the best.

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