No, you’ve not bored me at all!
However, it is interesting that you end your letter with that question.
What you are going through is so common for so many people who love lost partners that they’ve loved so dearly and totally. It is grief and loss. Nothing ever replaces the person you have lost.
You are so fortunate to have had such a great life with him. So many people never get to have what you describe you had. So you need to be grateful and proud you had such a great partner and relationship.
But I feel it’s time now to move on. I think you know this yourself deep down. I think deep down you are bored with yourself and feeling this way. It is time — time to move on!
I am so glad you DID write the letter because I feel this may be the beginning of your next chapter. I think you are tired of yourself and the emptiness of your life. You do have so much going for you! You have kids, grandkids, home, extended family, friends, money and good health. You’re so fortunate to have all of this and you need now to look at what you do have — not at what you don’t have.
Your special man is gone and that’s irreversible but what would he say to you now, if he could? If he’s how you describe him, he’d no doubt say: cop on and live your life!
Yes, I may sound harsh but five years is a long time and you’re still a young woman. There’s loads of living left to be done, but only if you choose it! Please make a decision today, choose to live, not merely exist, like it sounds you’re doing! Grab life while you’re still young.
Your letter sounds tired, empty, lonely and boring for you! You can change that, but it’s up to you.
Ask people if they know of clubs, groups, anything that’s going on in the city where other single adults are.
Re-engage with old friends. Go out socially, don’t hide at home. Go for it, stop feeling sorry for yourself and look at all you do have.