Episode Two – Pooping in the Corner
“OH my God! I almost just lost my life on the streets of Cork. Just now!
“I was already running late so I grabbed a Coke Zero bike, thinking that I would get where I was going at least fast enough to not be really late. And the bike machine thing worked on the first try, which it rarely does, so I thought it was going to be my lucky day.
“But whoever thought it was a good idea to make the bike lane also the bus lane is an idiot.”
Kate was pacing back and forth in the living room of her apartment while shrieking into her cell phone.
“I mean, one minute I’m moving along on my way to my event and the next minute, there’s a bus. A bus! And it’s not sharing the lane with me on my bike.
“I would pour myself a drink to calm my nerves except, on top of everything else, my bottle of Bertha’s Revenge has disappeared. And here I thought driving in Ireland would be the most dangerous mode of transportation.
“Anyway, I made it home and I won’t be going back out tonight. I may never leave this apartment again. I have to confess that gave me the fright of my life.
“Of course, you warned me about up and moving across the world from Chicago to Ireland, but nobody ever listens to their sister, especially not their little sister — even though we’re in our thirties now and you’re only one year littler. I know that’s not a word, but I like it.
“I like Cork too, despite its quirks, such as, exhibit number one, the bike-slash-bus lane. Geez. I really almost pooped my pants when it happened, and I could possibly take the ‘almost’ out of that statement.
“Oh my God! Remember when Jonathan was little and you weren’t the baby anymore? I was secretly happy you weren’t the baby anymore. You used to get on my nerves being the baby and I would always get in trouble regardless of whether I had done the bad thing or you had done the bad thing.
“And then mom and dad had Jonathan and he got the baby status and then you were a regular little kid like me, and it used to make me laugh so hard seeing you get so mad about it.
“Then, of course, Jonathan pooped in the corner in our bedroom, which was your fault anyway since you had convinced him to poop in the corner of mom and dad’s bedroom a couple days before, and then you ran off to tell mom to get him in trouble, except he didn’t get in a lot of trouble.
“At four years old, he thought maybe the ‘special bathroom’ you had told him about was actually in our bedroom so he tried it out in a corner there and when he wandered into the kitchen with that huge grin on his face, we didn’t know what he’d done but we went looking to find out and then you went crazy when you realized your favourite doll, Kimmie, had been ruined in the process. And Jonathan still didn’t get in any real trouble.”
Kate found herself standing in front of the refrigerator and opened the door. “There’s no Beamish here either but that might be because I don’t like beer that much.
“Still, I wouldn’t be averse to drinking one right now if it were sitting on this shelf. I might get downright excited about it.”
There was a loud knock on the door followed by what sounded like feet shuffling.
“I bet that’s 2B. I’ve never actually met 2B. I don’t even know if 2B is a man or a woman, but I’ve heard 2B and 2B makes a lot of noise. Loud music, loud drinking, loud parties.
“I could tell you more if I’d ever been invited to one of the parties, but I haven’t.”
Kate opened the door and peered out into the hallway. There was nobody there.
She stood a moment and listened for the telltale laughter of pranksters but only heard the rain lashing down and the bells ringing not so far away.
TOMORROW: “There’s so much water here. The river. The rain. The flooding. It’s all encompassing. It soothes me. I walk in it and bike in it, I’m happy in it.”