September Reset: How to build resilience and be your best self

Wed, 10 Sep, 2025 - 07:07

September is a popular time for setting goals and it’s sometimes seen as the ‘real’ new year.

The change of seasons, return to routine after the summer break, and the comparatively brighter, warmer weather make it a more natural time for making changes than the dark days of January.

Forming new habits isn’t easy, but with the right approach it can work.

Jean Young, psychotherapist and founder of Your Best Self personal development programme for women, shares her tips on making lasting changes.

Figure out what you want

It’s important to start with understanding what you need if you want to make changes that last.

“Everybody has a different garden. If you’re constantly adding flowers, and saying ‘doesn’t that look lovely, look at all the gorgeous flowers’... but if the soil doesn’t have the nutrients, those flowers aren’t going to last, so the habits aren’t going to last, because maybe they’re not authentically for you.”

It’s about “figuring out what it is that you want and not falling into the conformity of what people are telling you that you should want, what you’ve been conditioned to want, as opposed to what you actually want.”

Communicate what you’re doing

“The second top tip would be to communicate what you’re doing…one of the biggest resilience factors that you have is your support network around you.”

Sharing your goals with others can help you when you struggle.

“You need to be selective with who you share with, because first of all, we have accountability, but also we have that sense of ‘what is support for me?’ Because when you’re by yourself, you’re quite vulnerable.”

You need to tell people what you don’t want, as well as what you want. For example, if you’re struggling with a diet and someone suggests a takeaway, you might say yes “in that moment where your emotions are really high, but then afterwards, you’re like, ‘I wish we hadn’t done that, because now I feel like it’s affecting my self belief.’”

Instead, tell them what support looks like, whether that’s having a cup of tea and a chat, or going for a walk. “If you tell somebody what not to do, you have to fill the psychological gap for them,” says Jean.

Integrate information

Take time to integrate what you have read and learned, before reading more and taking on additional knowledge through books, social media and podcasts.

“We have a culture of consuming more and more information… but if we’re not taking the learning and implementing it into changes in our behaviour, instead what we’re doing is we’re just creating a really well-informed inner critic,” says Jean.

“Implement the things that you learn, even if you only implement one thing, and that one thing makes an impact on your sense of inner peace and your energy.”

Don’t aim for perfection

Your chances of success are greater if you set realistic goals, especially around the time children go back to school.

“To have expectations that we’re going to do this all the time, every day can be really hard to keep up. So it’s about looking at what is your 70 per cent? Where’s your wiggle room?” says Jean.

For example, if you’re telling yourself you’re going to go for a walk every day, you can cancel if something comes up one day.

“Create your rules around it, like one cancellation is okay, but not two back-to-back.”

If you’re struggling to keep up your new routine, it can help to include bridging behaviours that make it easier to stick to. “If you found that maybe you’re pulling back a little bit, have something like a bridging behaviour, which could be waking up in the morning, feet on the floor, a glass of water, breathe for a second, and then say, ‘right, how do I want to move through today?’,” says Jean. “Just something small and easy, even having something like a song that really motivates you.”

Being compassionate to yourself is key. Jean talks about ‘fierce compassion’, which means giving ourselves what we need, rather than taking the easy option.

“Self-compassion flips to give you a loving kick up the ass.”

Focus on the things you try to hide

One question Jean likes to ask clients is: “If you could imagine, if I sat with you, or if I followed you for a day, what would I see? What would be the one thing that maybe you didn’t want me to see, or you were maybe hiding away from?”

This can often reveal the things we are not proud of in our lives, that maybe we want to change. This can be a helpful place to begin. “The things that we hide are usually where the work needs to be done.”