What are the signs that you have burnout?

Burnout is something many women experience, often without realising it.

“I think women dismiss themselves an awful lot,” says Jean Young, psychotherapist and founder of Your Best Self women’s personal development programme.

“We think, ‘if I start going out for my walks more, this will pass, or if I just drink a bit more water, if I can go into bed a bit earlier....’”

Women often juggle work, family, and friendships, while trying to exercise, eat well, and get enough sleep.

“The more we try to fulfill all these other roles, the further we pull away from the core one of ourselves.

“If we keep doing that, eventually we disconnect from ourselves. And that’s where burnout comes,” says Jean.

This can be especially challenging in September, when the return to routine brings added pressure to achieve certain standards.

“An awful lot of mums are craving the routine,” says Jean. “We’re trying to connect to the ideal version of ourselves that we want to have.”

What exactly is burnout?

Burnout is more than just physical exhaustion.

“The way that I teach it is that there are five realms of energy when we’re looking at burnout. You have your physical, you have your mental, you have your emotional, your social, and your spiritual,” says Jean.

Mental burnout can show up as trouble making simple decisions like what to make for dinner, or finding it hard to switch off at night.

“The typical sign of mental burnout is where we actually start speeding up… thinking that we can outwork it.

“But actually the speeding up is further burnout, because we lose that rational thinking.”

Emotional burnout can come in the form of big outbursts of emotion, or completely shutting down and not reacting to something upsetting.

“The emotional fluctuations are all over the place. Maybe irritability can come up as well, or compassion fatigue.”

We can experience social burnout either from being over-socialised and needing “everyone to get away”, or feeling isolated if “we haven’t been around our people, and we don’t feel connected to a sense of community, to friendships, people who truly see us as authentically ourselves.”

Spiritual burnout doesn’t necessarily involve religion - it can be any space where you feel at peace.

“It doesn’t have to be a spa day… It can actually be you sitting there with a cup of coffee and just breathing for a second.”

What are common signs of burnout?

Everyone will experience burnout differently, but here are some of the signs Jean sees regularly.

Striving for perfection

“Usually, perfectionism and your inner critic will get louder... You’re looking at other people on social media, maybe comparing an awful lot more.

“The common one that we see in September is bento lunch boxes… those [social media] pages where it’s like, ‘here’s what I’m making for my kids, I’ve made my child sushi’.

“We start looking and comparing to see ‘what’s the medium expectation that I should be reaching?’”

Procrastinating

“Procrastination is another one. I will procrastinate emptying the bin. So the kitchen bin will slowly get squished down more and more instead of being emptied.

“Bedtime procrastination is another key one that comes up for women, where so much of the day they are giving to others, thinking about others, and then it’s 11 o’clock and you’re going, ‘I should really go to bed because I’m exhausted, [but] I’ll just scroll for a little while.”

Emotional eating

“Emotional eating or any kind of long-term unhelpful coping mechanisms will come up as well, especially if you’re emotionally burnt out. Having the glass of wine to relax is a very common one.”

Online shopping

“Online shopping is a very common [sign of burnout]. Because it’s so accessible now as well, and it’s kind of normalised, the ‘treat yourself’ mentality.

“It’s not even about buying things. By the time the thing arrives, then we’re like ‘Oh, I forgot I ordered that’.”

Excessive cleaning

“Another common one that I’ve massively seen on the rise, especially with burnout, is cleaning as a coping mechanism.

“It’s a vicious cycle for mums, because when cleaning becomes your coping mechanism, you feel calm when the house is clean.

“But if you share your house with kids, your kids are going to leave socks around the place.

“They’re going to maybe mess up the kitchen table with colouring pencils, all these different things, constantly undoing the coping. Then we end up becoming very annoyed at the kids.

“Cleaning as a coping mechanism is good, but it needs to have a healthy dose, and it also needs to have other robust coping mechanisms around it.”

How can I manage burnout?

Set realistic expectations:

“Know where you are first of all, and have realistic expectations.

“Don’t fall into the trap of ‘fresh start’, and instead just take one incremental step,” says Jean. “If you bring in a new family habit, one every month, by the end of the school year, you’ll have so many lovely, well-established routines in place to make it feel so much easier.”

Have a daily 15 minute check-in:

“What happens during those 15 minutes is crucial - it’s not about meditation or journaling (though those can be brilliant).

“It’s about creating a moment of genuine self-awareness. When we pause, we activate the parasympathetic nervous system, literally shifting our bodies out of ‘fight or flight’ mode.

“This isn’t some luxury wellness trend, it’s like brushing our teeth but for our minds.”

Ask for help:

“Unsaid expectations are tomorrow’s resentments,” says Jean.

Her advice is to ask for what we need from partners and kids now, before the busy mornings start. “We’re asking for what we need and talking about it.”

Follow @jeanyourbestself on Instagram for more.

Next week: Jean shares her top 5 tips for making lasting changes.