Diary of a bride-to-be: ‘There is so much to figure out’

I always thought being engaged was going to be this super-fun time, full of make-up trials, manicures and shopping.

I imagined myself stepping into the role of Elle Woods in Legally Blonde, unleashing my inner Barbie.

Imagine my surprise then when the time finally came around, and instead, I’m caught up with seating charts, intense saving, and the constant and persistent need to compromise.

As I mentioned in an earlier article for The Echo, I love my partner. I can’t wait to be his wife. But the getting there has been, for want of a more intellectual word, hard.

I couldn’t have imagined this a number of years ago. I heard people were engaged and I figured they had it made. Now I’m realising that there is so much to figure out, even after you get the ring on your finger.

It’s just over seven weeks until my wedding, and two weeks ago, we discovered that we had no florist. Amazon thankfully came to the rescue, and we purchased a number of fake flowers for the occasion.

But there’s always something to be managing, and on top of that, I have the constant litany in my head of ‘What if this doesn’t work for me?’ – not because I don’t have faith in my love for my partner, and not because I don’t think we can do it. Rather, the issue is this is the biggest commitment I’ve ever made, and that’s scary!

My partner and I have known one another for over six years now, and there are not a lot of surprises left.

I get it, as my dad said to me the other day, some people get married after six months. Six years is a long time. It is, and yet, I’m frightened. Because I have failed a lot in the past.

People keep telling me to enjoy this time, because it goes by so fast. And I’m trying, my God, I’m trying. I know the reality is that you only get married once, right? This is it. We get to make it what we want.

That being said, this time hasn’t been without its challenges.

Five months ago, for no apparent reason whatsoever, my beautiful engagement ring stopped fitting me. Suddenly, and seemingly out of the blue, it became too small, and I needed to use endless soap and water to pry it off my finger. For a while, I wore it around my neck, thinking it would rectify itself. But eventually, I gave up and took it to the jeweller. They were stumped. I hadn’t put on weight to my knowledge, and I couldn’t figure out anything else that had changed. So I decided to get it resized.

Although I was a little freaked out at this point, I got it resized again. This time, thankfully, mercifully, it worked. I picked my ring up a week or two later and was able to once more wear it on my finger.

A few weeks after this, I ordered my wedding ring online. I had gotten my finger sized so I figured this would be easy. But nope, they sent me the wrong size. It was too small. I took it to the jewellers pronto, looking to get it resized. They duly complied, sensing my desperation, and I got the ring back the following week.

Although it fit me at the time, a few weeks later I tried it on again only to find it was too big. Now the universe really seemed to be messing with me. So I got it resized AGAIN, and now it fits perfectly.

All of this is essentially to say that this time has been far from perfect, and I’ve had to work hard sometimes to find the silver linings.

But, when I feel my faith wavering, when I don’t know exactly which way to turn, I remind myself of one of my first thoughts when I met my partner. I had only known him for a few minutes, an hour at most, and I thought, ‘I’m going to marry him’.

There was no doubt in my mind. I felt a sense of certainty that I had never before experienced in my life, in wanting to be this man’s wife. This was what I felt, deep within my core.

And yet since then, my mind has often got in the way. I can think things to death, because I’m analytical and that’s just who I am. I can think myself out of being happy sometimes.

Yet when I decide to look clearly, I can look at my fiancé and remember that this is the person I chose from the beginning. This is my person, and I’m happy. Maybe it’s not perfect all of the time, but since when is anything in life – right?

Rings will have a mind of their own sometimes. Money will need to be saved. And compromises will need to be made. My skin may not look like Margot Robbie’s for my make-up trial, and suppliers may have no choice but to cancel.

But when it comes down to it, the people that we love are around us, and that’s what truly matters. All we can really do is look at our past and recognise that, with all of the information we have been given, we are making the best decision possible. The planning process is not without its flaws because, well, that’s life.

That being said, ultimately, once the one we love the most is standing next to us on our wedding day, the rest doesn’t really matter.

Now, let’s just hope my finger doesn’t expand over the next two months, and we’ll have it made.