Julie Helen: 'I made a mistake taking on the new role'

I have a great spot in my kitchen where I can sit next the kettle, the counter is at comfortable wheelchair height, and I can see right out across the country. I am watching Ricky play in the snow. I am grateful for this little extension of our Christmas together.

January is a hard month for many people and I know I am very fortunate to be hunkered down at home, safe and warm with plenty of food in our fridge. I feel extra-lucky that I can take a slow start to this year.

Back in September, I took a part-time administration role in the not-for-profit sector where I have always worked. I felt I could juggle all the components of life and add another piece in.

For me, work is an important part of my identity. Many people with disabilities find it difficult to get jobs - I know I struggled massively after I graduated from college. Then, I got jobs, worked hard and built a reputation I am proud of.

I often make the mistake of only counting the PAYE job I do as my work, when in fact I have lots of different pockets of small bits and pieces which add up to great fulfillment. Writing, consulting and lecturing make up those creative parts of my work and I love them so much. It was actually when I was asked to add to my lectures for UCC in February that I realised the newest role was not bringing the joy it should.

Managing cerebral palsy takes effort I rarely attempt to quantify, but when I started the new job, I needed to walk more to navigate a new place and figure out accessibility, I needed to juggle the morning to get Ricky out to school and get myself ready. I started to feel a lot more pain and feel absolutely exhausted at the smallest amount of learning or effort.

I had just forgotten what starting again really means for me.

There are now non-negotiable things in my life that were not there when I started other new jobs. Now, I am a mom first, and then I’m a wife. Those jobs are my favourites, and more important than anything else.

One morning before Christmas, David asked me if I could drop him to collect a lorry he needed to get to. I said no without even blinking because I was working. He sighed and said he wasn’t sure we were balancing things in the right way and that he felt he needed me to work with him rather than someone else. We had this conversation before, but I felt great relief this time.

I stepped back from full-time work in 2023 because my mum was sick and my family needed support. David made a sacrifice for me to give me space and in turn support my family in his own way.

This time, when he told me he needed me, that his business benefits from me being around, being available and not being stressed, it felt good. He also said he could see how our son flourishes when I’m with him and that acknowledgement genuinely meant the world to me.

I made a mistake by taking on the new role, so I finished it. It just felt too big for now. My mum reminded me that the 15 years she spent at home with us are still her favourite years. She worked afterwards and she was superb at what she did.

I’m only in the second year of taking a step back from work. Hopefully we have a very happy year ahead of us.