Award for Cork woman supporting people after loss of loved one

IT was 10.30pm on a Sunday when Dara O’Shea finally had a chance to sit down to write the eulogy for her beloved dad’s funeral, the following day. There had been so much to think about and to organise since his unexpected death a few days previously that it was literally the first opportunity she had, to even begin to think about the task.

“These were going to be the most important words I was ever going to speak about my dad, and it just felt so wrong that I was having to do it like that,” she recalled.

At the time, Dara’s mum suggested there should be ‘someone’ to help families organise funerals, and it was from that innocuous thought, as well as her personal experience, that saw her launch RHEA the following year, 2021.

Co-founded with Louise O’Brien, the pair are essentially the equivalent of wedding planners, only for funerals.

Dara has a marketing degree and was head of events in UCC for 20 years, and Louise worked on her team as one of her senior event managers.

“I loved my job, but I always felt that I had another purpose and when my dad Frank passed away, I found it,” she said.

Funeral directors do fantastic work but when dad died we realised there was still an enormous amount of work to be done by a family, at a time when you’re least able to deal with it, and while still trying to mind each other.

Rhea is the Greek goddess of ease and comfort; and Dara explains that in the business’s case, R stands for remembering; H, honour; E, empowering positive mourning and A, at your side.

Dara and Louise offer different packages to help individuals organise their own funerals. That includes everything from what the individual would like said in their eulogy, who they’d like carrying their coffin, what they’d like to wear, what photo they’d like on their death notice, to what music they’d like played.

They also work with families whose loved one has a terminal diagnosis and who wish to get prepared in advance for their funeral, as well as a full-suite ‘at your side’ service over the days of a funeral for those who hardly know where to start when it comes to organising it.

What they help with ranges from practical supports such as organising at-home catering or booking hotel venues for services, making sure the family have the right attire to wear, helping to select the readings and music for the ceremony, to emotional support and guidance with administration.

Regardless of what people require help with, what’s central to their ethos is offering headspace to a grieving family, by taking the mental load off them.

“Our office is people’s kitchen table. When we arrive in people’s homes we help them start talking about their loved one who has died and help them craft a funeral experience that the person would have liked, and that they would like. We give them valuable time and freedom to talk and grieve, to let them sit and get to terms with what’s happened,” said Dara.

Funerals are done well in Ireland, she said, but can be rushed, or there can be a feeling that there’s just one way to do things.

We tell people they have permission to do it their way, and to tell the story of their person, to personalise the experience and to be able to say afterwards that ‘we did our best, we made mom or dad proud, and did right by them’.

“We celebrate so many milestones in our lives, and our thinking is that the end-of-life ceremony should be one of them. And why not do that in a way that honours the person who has died, and helps create a positive grieving process?

“We can only do this once and it’s important that people don’t have any regrets when it’s over,” she added.

Establishing and running her own business has been “so rewarding and also so challenging”.

“When you become your own boss, you become your real self because all decisions stop with you,” she said.

Working with Louise is the perfect partnership, she added.

“It sounds cliched but we make a great team. What we have in common is our determination and belief that we can help make a difference when people need it most.

Only people who have been through the experience of planning a funeral will know how valuable what we offer really is.

Winning ‘Emerging Business’ award at the recent Network Ireland Cork Businesswoman of the Year awards was “incredible”, she said.

“It was such a brilliant night, then to wake up the next morning to so many messages of congratulations – it was all so special!” said Dara, who grew up in Douglas and who lives in Carrigaline.

She joined Network Ireland Cork at the end of 2021, and has found being part of the group a really worthwhile experience.

“It’s such an amazing community and it can be whatever you want it to be. It’s great to see so many women finding their niche and following their own passions.

“The awards are brilliant but of course there’s so much hard work going on behind all the success stories.”

In RHEA’s case, that’s the fact that it’s an innovative business, operating in a traditional sector.

“It’s also very male-dominated and we are two women, saying that we can provide help in a different way,” said Dara.

Not surprisingly, seeing people at their most vulnerable has meant that Dara and Louise forge strong bonds with their clients, and stay in touch.

“They often tell us that we’re part of their family afterwards, and that’s such a special bonus for what we do... it means they feel looked after and we’ve done our job.”

See https://www.rhea.ie/

We will continue our series of interviews with the winners of the Network Ireland Cork and Network Ireland West Cork Businesswoman of the Year Award winners, in WoW! in the weeks ahead.