Cork Views: I was in a dark place: here’s how I rebuilt my life

There was a time I was full of confidence. I was outgoing, positive, and the kind of person who could walk into a room and make friends with anyone. Life felt full of possibilities.

Then, over time, life began to wear me down. Anxiety and depression slowly crept into my life, changing how I saw myself and the world around me. What started as bad days became bad weeks, and eventually bad months.

For a while, I thought I had found my way out. I met someone who helped me feel like myself again. Looking back, I realise I relied too heavily on that relationship for my happiness. When it ended, I accepted the break-up and wanted to move forward respectfully. But the aftermath became incredibly difficult for me.

I found myself carrying a weight that became harder and harder to bear. The darkness deepened. I was in the worst place I had ever been mentally. Depression and anxiety consumed my life. I came close to giving up.

At the same time, I was battling another enemy: gambling addiction. What began as something I thought I could control slowly took hold of me. Like many addictions, it thrived in isolation and poor mental health.

The more I struggled emotionally, the more I looked for an escape. Gambling brought financial stress, guilt, shame and disappointment. It became another burden on top of everything else I was carrying.

Eventually, I realised I could not fight these battles alone.

I went to the Crisis Care Team at St Mary’s. From the moment I arrived, I was treated with kindness, compassion and understanding. At a time I felt broken, they helped me see recovery was possible. They listened when I needed to be heard and supported me when I felt completely lost.

Then something happened that would change my life.

On my first day at St Mary’s, I came across a Facebook post shared by Steven O’Neill. A few simple words led me towards an organisation I had never heard of: Round Table. Not long after, I attended my first event at the Briar Rose for a pub quiz.

I was nervous walking in the door. I needn’t have been. The lads welcomed me from the very beginning. There was no judgement, pressure or expectation. Just genuine friendship, laughter and a sense of belonging that I hadn’t felt in a very long time.

What started as one evening became one of the most important parts of my recovery. Round Table gave me something that depression and anxiety had taken away from me: connection.

For years, I struggled to build meaningful friendships. Suddenly, I found myself surrounded by people from every walk of life. Business owners, tradesmen, professionals, fathers, sons and friends. Men who cared about one another and wanted to see each other succeed. Those connections changed my life.

They helped me rediscover my confidence. They encouraged me to step outside my comfort zone. Most importantly, they reminded me that I wasn’t alone.

Through Round Table, I have attended incredible events and made memories I will never forget. The rechartership celebrations in Cork and Dublin showed me the strength of the organisation and the friendships it creates across the country. Travelling to Belfast for a workshop opened my eyes even further. I met amazing people, shared experiences, learned from others, and realised just how far-reaching the Round Table family really is.

Along the way, I also rediscovered my passions. I’ve always loved GAA and movies. For many people, they might seem like simple hobbies, but for me they became a lifeline. Talking about a great match, debating the greatest players, discussing a classic film or sharing movie recommendations created connections depression had convinced me were impossible. Those conversations mattered.

Those shared passions gave me reasons to engage with people, to laugh, to learn, and to feel part of something bigger than myself.

Recovery has not been a straight line.

I have been away from work since October. There were times I questioned if I would ever get back to the person I used to be. There were setbacks, difficult days and moments where progress felt painfully slow. But recovery is not about perfection. It is about taking one step forward, even when you feel like giving up.

Today, I am preparing to return to the workplace. That might sound a normal part of life to some people, but for me it represents something much bigger. It represents resilience. It represents healing. It represents the fact that no matter how dark things became, I kept going.

I am proud of how far I have come. The man standing here today is not the same man who walked into St Mary’s feeling hopeless. He is stronger, wiser and more connected than ever.

If there is one message I would like people to take from my story, it is this:

Asking for help is not weakness. It is courage.

Connection saves lives.

Professional support saves lives.

Friendship saves lives.

Passion, purpose and community save lives. Mine certainly helped save mine.

For years, I believed my world was getting smaller. Today, thanks to the people who supported me, challenged me, and stood beside me when I needed them most, my world feels bigger than ever.

I once thought my story was ending.

Instead, it was only the beginning.

If you have been affected by this article, email jo@samaritans.ie or call. 116 123.

‘Champion Your Story’ is a Round Table call for members to recognise the value of their own journeys. Find more stories at https://www.roundtable.co.uk/news

Cork Round Table started in 2025 and now has around 15 members. To find out more, email Steven.Oneill@gmail.com