Darkness Into Light: Our family walked in memory of our beloved Mark

It’s hard to put into words the physical, overwhelming, arresting power of grief. Losing someone to suicide is deeply traumatic — gut-wrenching and inescapable.

My lovely brother, Mark Twomey, would have been 47 on May 22. But on November 11, he lost his battle with mental illness — a battle he fought bravely, painfully, for more years than I can bear to count.

This year’s Darkness Into Light walk on Saturday felt different. I’ve always appreciated the solidarity, the quiet strength of it, but I never imagined that my family and I would be walking in memory of Mark (right).

The irony is that he would have led the pack. He would have been at the front — encouraging people, lifting the mood, bringing strangers together.

He would have been chatting to everyone, sharing his mantras, holding a light to guide others through the dark.

That’s one of the many hard truths to carry.

Another is the dark itself.

Since Mark died, I’ve found myself afraid of the dark in a way I never was before. Not the darkness outside, but what it brings — the memories, the images, both real and imagined, from that night.

A heavy rain is another trigger. It can bring a sudden rush of panic, a physical reaction I can’t always control.

Grief doesn’t follow a straight line. It arrives in waves, in moments you don’t expect, in ordinary things that suddenly feel overwhelming.

Until you experience grief through suicide, you don’t fully understand the constant replaying of the last conversations — what was said, what wasn’t said, what could have been said or done, and whether any of it would have changed things. The what-ifs. The regrets.

The deep sadness, trauma, and loss are carried now by each member of our family — my mother, Mark’s wife, my siblings, and our own families, who have walked with us, carried us through this unimaginable loss.

I know Mark would never have wanted this pain for us. His death was not about us. And I am determined that his legacy for me will be a positive one.

I will learn from the regrets. Instead of trying to fix discomfort or rush past difficult conversations, I will sit, listen, and stay present.

The Darkness Into Light walk for Pieta this year was important and powerful in a way it never has been before for me personally.

Because when you walk in the early hours, surrounded by others carrying their own stories, there is a sense — however small — that you are not alone. That even in the darkest moments, there are people beside you, walking the same path.

I wish Mark could have felt that. I wish he could have seen how many people cared, how many people would have walked with him.

This year, we walked for him. Sadly, so many others walked for their loved ones too.

We walked, together, through the dark, taking it step by step to the dawn of a new day.

Around 80,000 people took part in Darkness Into Light walks over the weekend, with the annual fundraiser expected to raise between €3-4 million for Pieta House.

Among them were the family and friends of Mark Twomey, whose brothers Adrian and Sean J. Twomey, owners of Coffee Brothers on Western Road, raised more than €6,000 for Pieta in Mark’s memory.

The fundraiser was organised following the tragic loss of Mark last November.

“Darkness Into Light has always been something we supported, but never imagined we would one day walk in memory of Mark,” they said.

“In the darkest days, Pieta House offered and provided members of our family with counselling, empathy and support as we struggled to process the trauma and grief.

“The kindness and compassion shown to us, and the funds raised for this incredible charity, have meant more than we could ever put into words.”

All funds raised will go directly to Pieta House to support its suicide and self-harm prevention services.