We need a blockbuster race for Áras: Here’s John Dolan's box office picks

The summer cinema blockbuster season is well and truly upon us.

The latest Jurassic Park flick is out, and the new Superman reboot (as the kids say) hits the big screen this weekend, while Brad Pitt’s F1 is doing a roaring trade.

Look out for Marvel’s Fantastic Four later this month, while the remake of 1980s classic The Naked Gun, starring Liam Neeson, is tipped to breathe new life into the comedy genre.

Many of these films are designed to lure kids away from their screens during the long holidays - but the concept of the summer blockbuster in the West is actually a defiance of common-sense.

Think about it: The days are long and sunny (even, in weeks like this, in Ireland), there is lots to do outdoors... who wants to spend the bones of three hours in a darkened room when there are several months of darkened days outside ahead to do just that?

But, no, ever since Jaws was released 50 years ago, the concept of the summer blockbuster has captured the hearts and minds of film fans, and the wallets of Hollywood moguls.

One of the reasons summer films do so well in the U.S, UK, and Ireland is that they coincide with the so-called silly season - high summer when the worlds of law, finance, and politics largely shut down, people head off on holiday, and the media scrabble around for any crumb of news in the hiatus.

The box office blockbusters are often a staple of the summer media bubble - remember the hype around the joint release of Oppenheimer and Barbie two years ago this month?

Another staple of summers for the Irish media every seven years is the presidential election.

Normally, news of the runners and riders provides some much-needed debate in these dog days, but if the media were hoping for that this year, then they have been badly let down.

The 2025 presidential election, in film terms, has thus far been a turkey: There is a distinct lack of star quality, and far too little happening in the way of plot.

We are left with a supporting cast that would barely merit a place in a B-movie, featuring a clutch of underwhelming FF/FG candidates and the odd independent or ‘celeb’ option. More local theatre group than A-lister, if you ask me.

A few slightly more tempting carrots have been dangled in recent days, such as Michelle O’Neill and Mary Lou McDonald - although I can’t help but think the only way that would gain blockbuster ratings is if both entered the race and started tearing strips off each other.

Pass the popcorn!

Laughably, we were told Fianna Fáil might persuade Micheál Martin to run for the Áras, which would be the first known case of a politician jumping out of the frying pan into the deep freezer.

If the Taoiseach opts to run, I’ll fight King Kong atop the Empire State Building live on Netflix.

If this damp squib of a race continues in this vein, there is a real danger the turn-out at the polls in November will be on a par with the ratings for Oireachtas TV.

No, it’s time the country got serious about the next occupant of the Áras. The presidency is a job that does not come with great power, it’s true, but it is still of great importance.

We want to spend the next seven years being represented by someone with gravitas, experience, and a love for the country, don’t we? Or, at the very least, someone whose name we won’t forget on a regular basis.

That’s way I propose three heavyweights immediately put their names in the hat and get the ball rolling for the presidency: Bertie Ahern, Enda Kenny, and Gerry Adams.

Yes, they are all politicians, but what of it? It takes an experienced and astute politician to know when to speak up and when to stay silent. Shaking hands, making small talk, speaking up well at funerals, and not scaring the horses are all pre-requisites of a long-time politician, and vital requirements for the Áras.

And yes, the trio are all male and on the Jurassic Park side of life: Enda is 74, Bertie will be 74 in September, and Gerry will be 77 by November.

But, you know what, the last thing we want in a president is ambition and an eye for the next job. The Áras should be a last port of call, vitality is not required.

The candidacy of those three would be an instant call to arms to all parties on the island, and the public would surely be swiftly engaged.

I reckon there would be little love lost between them too, although there would surely be respect. And, sure, a couple of them may even have some skeletons in their cupboards that could be rattled during the live TV debates. Bring it on, I say!

I’m not suggesting we leave the limelight to those three old stagers.

We need a few plot twists to make this summer blockbuster really sizzle - the introduction of a strong non-political candidate, like Anne Doyle, plus a couple of independents from central casting - Michael McDowell and Luke Ming Flanagan - would stir the pot.

Finally, we need a Cork challenger - and my suggestion of John Creedon back in February still stands.

Now that’s a juicy line-up - a summer blockbuster that will keep us all entertained for months and add to the gaiety of the nation.

To this magnificent seven candidates, I say - your country needs you to save us from mediocrity.

If none of these float your boat, then consider this: Can you name the President (not the Chancellor) of Germany? Or the President (not the Prime Minister) of India? Two of the greatest powers on earth no less.

No?

Exactly. the presidency only matters to us, it is a role with no real power. But it really ought to provide us with a little entertainment in these summer days.