Should I allow my teen to go on holiday without me?

Going on holiday without their parents is a rite of passage for many teenagers - and a week or two of anxiety for many parents.

Mums and dads are often concerned their child isn’t old enough to cope with potential holiday dangers ranging from too much alcohol, drugs, and balcony falls, to too much sun.

But how old is old enough to go on holiday safely without your parents? It’s a question frequently discussed on Mumsnet, and the UK parenting site’s founder and CEO Justine Roberts says: “For Mumsnet users, whether or not a teen is ready to go on holiday without their parents has less to do with age and more to do with how responsible they are.

“Parents generally look for signs like being able to make themselves a decent meal, manage their own time, handle money, and make sensible decisions - especially around things like alcohol.

“Most parents seem to agree 17 or 18 is about the right age for a first trip with friends. Some think 16 is OK in certain situations - especially if the teen is very mature and with a sensible older group - but the general consensus is that 17 is the preferred minimum.”

Roberts points out that turning 18 means travel comes with fewer legal and practical complications, which can make things easier.

Matt Buttery, CEO of the Triple P UK & Ireland parenting programme, says every family is different, and stresses: “There isn’t a one-size-fits-all answer for when parents should allow their teenagers to go on holiday without them. Parents should consider not only their teenager’s age, but their maturity and ability to handle responsibility in everyday life.”

Tanith Carey, author of What’s My Teenager Thinking? (Dorling Kindersley), suggests parents anxious about their teen going away without them for the first time should think about the benefits for their child.

“Instead of seeing their upcoming getaway as a painful period of endless worrying for you, think what they’ll learn about themselves, and the memories they’ll make,” she advises.

“The fact is, they’re probably at no more risk of serious accidents abroad than they are at home, and probably won’t get up to much more than they would at the average teenage party or on a night out in a city.”

However, whether there are benefits or not, parents are still bound to worry if they’re making the right decision to let their teen go on a solo holiday, and there are steps you can take to perhaps ease the worry a little...

1. Agree communication methods

Buttery says once a parent has agreed to let their teen go away without them, mums and dads will probably feel less worried if they have reliable ways of contacting their child during the holiday. “If parents feel their teen is ready, what matters most is clear, open, and honest communication,” he explains.

“It’s essential to discuss expectations, set boundaries, and agree on communication methods while they’re away. This isn’t about controlling their every move, but helping them feel confident and safe during their time apart.”

However, Carey warns contact should be kept light, possibly just via a family WhatsApp group. “Try to avoid insisting they repeatedly check in with you, it will send the message you don’t think they can do it alone,” she warns.

“You’re likely to hear more from them if you don’t interrogate or send loads of questions about what they’re doing.”

2. Help plan their trip

Parents may want to work with their child to plan the trip (if their child lets them), says Buttery. “This helps you stay informed about their plans, and gives you a chance to spend time together too,” he points out. “It can also allow parents to make clear to their children the laws and travel guidance of the location they’re visiting.”

3. Show you trust them

Whether or not you’re involved in planning the holiday, be positive as they make plans. Carey advises: “Quietly show your interest in a way that demonstrates you have faith they’re ready to go it alone, rather than sending the implied message they can’t do this without you, which is likely to make them more anxious or secretive. If you’re positive, they’re more likely to involve you in the planning, and you’ll feel more reassured they’re safe

4. Share travel tips

Carey suggests if your teen asks for travel tips, share the lessons you’ve learned, including reasonable precautions you’ve taken, like buying travel insurance, copying important documents, and noting emergency contacts.

“Get them to do a bit of research or check out some YouTube travel guides, as well as information on common tourist scams in that country,” she advises.

5. Use location-sharing apps

As well as basics like avoiding areas known for pickpocketing or where drink spiking is a concern, many parents take advantage of tech like location-sharing apps. “They can keep an eye on teens without having to constantly hassle them,” she says. “In many cases, they also set up group chats with other parents to share any news, as well as seek reassurance.”

6. Be savvy about safety discussions

Rather than bombastically saying, ‘Don’t do this, don’t do that,’ Carey advises parents focus on safety in the third person, for example by saying that avoiding things such as mixing alcohol and heights like hotel balconies is something we all need to do, regardless of age.

“Your teen may want their independence, but they don’t want to end up in a foreign hospital either,” she points out.

Remind them accidents are much more likely after using alcohol or drugs. Carey suggests: “Let them know that being visibly drunk will also make them more noticeable to criminals who prey on tourists. Your teen may roll their eyes, but they will still be listening.”

7. Suggest a ‘buddy system’

Roberts says Mumsnet users often suggest teenage holidaymakers adopt a ‘buddy system’ to ensure they’re always with at least one friend, stressing this can “ensure no-one ends up in a risky situation by themselves.”

8. Suggest strategies on peer pressure

When they’re around 17, Carey says young people aren’t quite as likely to succumb to peer pressure as they were a few years before. But it’s still a distinct possibility, she warns.

“They’re still capable of spurring each other on to drink too much and copy risky behaviour,” she says. “Help them reflect on past experiences when they felt uncomfortable or unsure about going along with what a friend was suggesting. Remind them it’s OK to trust their gut.”

Carey also suggests talking them through ways to say no if their mates want them to do something they’re uncomfortable with, like: ‘I don’t feel like it,’, ‘No, I’m not into it,’ or ‘I don’t want to do anything that could affect the rest of our holiday.’

Roberts adds: “More than anything, parents want to feel confident their teen will stick to agreed rules, stay in contact, and be (relatively) sensible.”