Cork-based assisted dying advocate says his wife's story 'needs to be told'

A CORK-based campaigner has spoken of the struggle of balancing his personal life with an ongoing campaign to legalise assisted dying in Ireland.

Garret Ahern, who lives in Ballyphehane, spoke to The Echo just a few weeks after addressing an Oireachtas committee with the story of his and his late wife Vicky Janssens’ heartbreaking struggles.

The Limerick native travelled to Belgium last April where his partner died at a friend’s house.

Garret says it was the only option available to the couple despite Vicky’s wish to die in Cork, which she had called home for 20 years.

This was despite a breast cancer diagnosis that later spread to her lungs, stomach, and liver.

The terminal prognosis, Garret explained, made life unbearable for Vicky, who endured unimaginable pain during that period.

He acknowledged the additional trauma for loved ones of terminally ill people whose only option is to travel abroad for assisted dying.

Garret’s own painful experiences have only strengthened his determination to fight for others in similar positions.

He is currently balancing his campaign with caring for his 16-year-old stepdaughter.

“I pick up her clothes and do her laundry — all the stuff that parents do for their kids. Vicky would want to be here. She would want to be doing all these things. She would want to be alive.

“Unfortunately, the limits of medical advances and treatments meant that doctors had done all they could do. There was nothing left.

“All we have now is the possibility of appealing this. Through her courage, my wife was able to wrestle back control so that she could end her life on her own terms.

“I think, that if the tables were turned, she would also do the same for me. It was just something that she felt very strongly about, so I really feel that I owe it to her memory and legacy.”

He spoke of how it broke his heart to see Vicky pack a suitcase for a trip she would never return home from.

“On the morning that she died, she asked me to give her clothes to a local charity shop. She hadn’t booked her suitcase to come back because she wouldn’t be coming back.”

The assisted dying advocate said he will never forget that painful time.

“I am grateful that I’m an emotionally resilient individual, because I’ve been traumatised by what I’ve had to endure, but I was willing to endure it to help my wife.

“People are fundamentally good and kind and want the best for each other. Sometimes that means letting the person you love end their life with dignity and in as little pain as possible. I just hope — for that reason — that this gets over the line.”

He stressed that the current Irish legislation severely hindered Vicky’s choices.

“I’m not going to say it would have been a more enjoyable experience, but she would have been able to be more present. She and her friends who were present on the day could have told stories and been there for Vicky in the way that they wanted to be.

“This was at a time when Vicky was in chronic and unalleviated pain.”

Garret recalled their final months together with painful clarity.

“I don’t eat breakfast anymore. There was a time when Vicky and I would get up in the morning. We would make coffee and play checkers and have breakfast together, whether that was porridge, toast, or eggs. In the last months of her life, she couldn’t eat. I would make breakfast for her and she would have a mouthful or two before needing to go to the bathroom to be sick.

“She used to tell me there was no reason why I shouldn’t enjoy my own breakfast. I would eat whatever was in front of me so she didn’t feel like I was loading guilt onto her. However, when I did, it was dry and tasteless and stuck in my throat. Physically, I could eat, but it wasn’t the same without her.

“The pain was all day, every day. There were nights where I would sleep on the couch because even me just lying there next to her caused Vicky physical pain. Expressing everything as openly and honestly as I am now doesn’t capture what she went through.”

He said he will continue to advocate for change for as long as he can.

“We thankfully live in a society that cares for our old and our sick as well as our vulnerable and disabled. I would never want that to change. If anything, I’d want it to improve. Governments have tried to make as many changes as they can.

“However, when someone has a terminal illness and reaches an end-of-life scenario, we continue to over-medicalise it. Instead, we hide it away and pretend it’s not happening to the sick people who are dying and their families. They are traumatised by that experience.”

He hopes his campaign will help others: “The story needs to be told in its entirety. The main part of it is Vicky’s attempt on her own life. She wanted to die in Cork. It had been the place she called home for 20 years. She loved UCC, and the faculty was like her family. Vicky said she had wanted to end her suffering. When that attempt failed, the other option was the trip to Belgium. I often wonder about — something that I mentioned in the Oireachtas — about the people who took their own lives because assisted dying was not an option.”

He said his advocacy work has taken an emotional toll. “I’m doing this all by myself, which takes somewhat of an emotional toll. It’s a price that has to be paid. Sometimes good people have to stand up and do the right thing at the right time. As we’re speaking today, there are people drawing their last breath. I just want to ensure that they have a choice.”