Books: Man who lost his parents and brother in 52 months shares story of how he battled his grief

Richard Gordon’s life was knocked sideways when he lost his father, mother, and brother within the space of 52 months.

It sent him on a downward spiral of grief, which he finally emerged from only after summoning up huge reserves of resilience.

Now Richard is telling the story of his battle with grief in a memoir, Memorytown.

It provides compelling proof that when go deep down into dark times, you can come back out of them.

As he says, the memoir is not just about tragedy “but about enduring tragedy and overcoming it”.

We begin at the beginning.

“My childhood was blessed in many ways,” says Richard, who is a UCC graduate and lived in Cork city for five years.

“I grew up in Tralee in a typical Irish home, and I was a talented footballer and a good student.

“Dad was the provider and ‘Mr Fixit’. Mum was a brilliant homemaker, and she worked as a counsellor”.

Richard was a typical boy.

“I was a bit of a rascal!” he says.

That can be endearing though?

“Yes. I was a mummy’s boy!” says Richard, laughing. “So was my brother Christopher. We were both mummy’s boys!”

However, things changed virtually overnight in the happy, close-knit household, when Richard’s mother, Norah, became unwell.

“My mother took to the bed,” says Richard. “Our family life unravelled.

“Mum suffered from migraines. Her worked stopped and sometimes there was no dinner for any of us. It was confusing.

“Her illness evolved when she became reliant on prescription drugs. They became a huge crutch for her.”

The family lived under the same roof, but lived different lives.

“When I got bored, I fled the scene at home,” says Richard. “I became wayward and hung out with other kids who were lost like me.”

What did they do?

“We smoked hash and cannabis, and then alcohol took over.”

Life as he knew it was changing.

“I was a grade A student in secondary school,” says Richard.

“When mum got sick, my brother and I began to do our own thing. For me, school became a disaster.

Richard’s Dad, Garry, was disappointed with how life had panned out for his family.

“Dad was sad and he reverted into himself,” says Richard. “Our family crumbled.”

Richard had to save himself.

“I took off to Athlone to become a chef. I studied at the Institute of Technology, and I had a part-time job as well. I shared a house that was ridden with mould. When my mates went off home for the weekend, I stayed put, living on cheap bread and beans.”

Richard spent Christmas, 2008, with his father, who had begun drinking heavily. Garry died at 59 from a heart attack.

“He died from loneliness and from a broken heart after mum moved out of our house into town,” Richard says.

“Dad had always looked after us. He was the fixer. He was the glue that held us together. He didn’t look after himself."

Richard headed to Galway where he got a summer job.

Then he got more bad news. Another tragedy hit the family when his brother Christopher took his own life at 25 years of age.

“My brother was a sensitive, soft soul,” says Richard. “He was never competitive like me.

“Christopher was a gentle giant, tall, 6 feet 6 inches. He developed unhealthy habits and could see no way out.”

Richard says his mother took the tragedy very badly.

“She suffered what you could call a maternal thunderstorm. Her reaction to Christopher’s untimely death was a force of nature; an eruption.”

Richard, who is also a sensitive soul, stayed with his mother.

“When Chris died, mum totally isolated herself and she deteriorated fast from medications and drink,” says Richard.

“She went into rehab and entered a ‘psych’ world. I moved to Australia to seek release. I ran away.”

And then Richard got a third tragic phone call, telling him his mother had died.”

Something in Richard died that day, after a string of tragedies.

“There were no emotions left in me anymore,” he says.

“I didn’t even cry when mum died. I became like a rock I was managing a bar, and I worked all hours as a distraction. I was in denial.

“I worked all hours and then slept for a week. Then I took off to London where I stayed for four years.”

Richard was an angry young man.

“I was angry and I didn’t talk,” he admits. “I did the same thing in London, worked around the clock and then slept around the clock.”

He wanted to escape further. To flee his anguish and his angst, he cycled around Europe.

“I planned to leave everything behind and cycle around the world,” he recalls. “I had all the cycling gear. I planned to leave until I realised that I had no money to fund the trip and I was totally alone in the world.

“I had reached rock bottom,” says Richard.

He questioned himself.

“If I had made better decisions, would there be different outcomes? I needed to cop myself on. Misery seemed to follow me.

“I kept wanting to flee and I thought up grandiose plans like cycling to the Himalayas.”

Enter an old pal...

“My friend had been to Alcoholics Anonymous (AA),” says Richard. “I had reached rock bottom, and he brought me to a meeting. I was humbled by the honesty in the room.

“I realised how wrong I was getting my life and how these people were getting it right. Drink was pain relief for me. It was my emergency room.”

Richard immersed himself in the AA meetings.

“I was like a sponge,” he says. “I went to 90 meetings in 90 days.”

He felt redeemed and reenergised.

“The decade of my 20s was a blur,” says Richard. “Those years were a catastrophe. I had missed out on maturing.”

Thankfully, he didn’t miss out on love.

“Ana and I met in UCC in 2023,” says Richard. She is a UCC employee and postdoctoral researcher.

The blossoming of true love and self-discovery made the world a better place for Richard.

“Ana was pregnant with Fionn in September of 2023. I found a wonderful counsellor in Cork. I was a cynic, but we were a good match.

“I found I had skills to use and after our son was born I decided to put those skills to work by writing and podcasting. Cork was where I began writing the memoir.”

Every story can have a happy ending, can’t it?

“Ours does,” says Richard. “For sure.”

Memorytown, by Richard Gordon. Audio prologue on Substack: https://substack.com/richardgordonwrites/p/welcome-to-the-richardgordonwrites?r=6i76qr&utm_medium=ios

Richard's social media handle is @richardgordonwrites