'Losing a child is something you never get over': Cork dad’s trek in daughter’s memory

Cork man Finbarr Buttimer would walk 500 miles in memory of his daughter Nóra. And he would walk 500 more to honour her.

The dad has just completed an 187km walk from his home in Bishopstown to Dingle in her memory and to raise funds for two charities, and found his solo journey both healing and peaceful.

Nóra lived for just 12 days, and Finbarr says: “There was a huge emptiness left after we lost Nóra. We had everything ready for her.

“I know years ago people said not to get anything for the baby until they were born. But we loved getting things ready for her. We made plans the moment she was born.”

Finbarr spent many idyllic childhood summers in Dingle, and hoped Nóra would do so too. It was not to be.

“It’s a place that I would have gone on holidays to a lot as a child growing up,” says Finbarr. 

“And it’s a place that I always wanted to bring Nóra. I brought her there with me in spirit.”

Finbarr started out on his walk in memory of Nóra on a very special day; June 15 - Father’s Day.

“It felt right in order to mark Father’s Day, to mark six months since Nóra’s passing that I would begin this event,” says Finbarr. 

“And the response from family, friends and the wider community, has been absolutely amazing”.

Finbarr and his partner Mae lost their daughter in December, 2024.

“We went from the excitement of our newborn to an enormous sense of loss,” says Finbarr. 

“We called our baby Nóra, the name has a long history in both our families.”

Finbarr, on his poignant journey, raised funds for two organisations - Féileacáin, a not-for-profit organisation that provides support to anyone affected by the death of a baby during and after pregnancy, and for First Light, which helps support families coping with the grief of losing a child.

It has been a difficult six months for Finbarr and Mae.

“Nóra was a healthy baby, but there were complications around her birth and sadly, 12 days later, she passed away,” says Finbarr.

“Over that six-month period, my fiancée, Mae, and I, have had to rebuild our lives. Féileacáin and First Light supported us hugely, playing a big role in that.”

Life without Nóra left a void in her parents’ lives.

“Féileacáin offers supports to other groups of people, like pregnancy loss groups,” says Finbarr. “The organisation helped us come to terms with the combination of our trauma and our enormous grief.

“Losing a child is something you never get over.”

Finbarr’s 187km trek has ensured that support for grieving parents will continue.

“I set out with the sum of raising €2,000 in my mind,” he says. He underestimated the support he would get.

“The fund has grown to over €20,000!” says Finbarr, who is stunned at the amount raised. “The response has been absolutely unbelievable.”

“Féileacáin has been like our community,” adds Finbarr. “We have some memories of Nóra at home that Féileacáin have put together, a lock of her hair and other very nice pieces that we really cherish that remind us of her.

“First Light were a great help to us with their immediate support to us, counselling, for instance, after our loss. We were able to work with First Light those first few months with no charge.”

Who did Nóra look like?

“I think she looked like me,” says Finbarr. “But there were bits of us both in her.”

Finbarr feels less alone since he joined Féileacáin’s active five-a-side soccer group for dads, started by Mark Hilliard after he lost his son.

“It’s just us fathers on the pitch,” says Finbarr. “It is a wonderful space in a relaxed setting. Being part of the soccer group makes me feel less alone.”

The dads bond on the pitch, leaving behind their cares and woes.

“It is good for men,” say Finbarr. “It is a bonding process. There is no judgement, just an understanding of one another.

“Dads who have suffered a bereavement understand what the experience is like whenever I am playing with them.”

Walking 187km is no cake walk. It was a personal walk for Finbarr.

“I like to do long distance walks,” he says.

“In 2022, I did the Via Francigena, the Camino from Canterbury in England to Rome, over three months.

“In 2023, I walked from Cork to Rosslare to raise money for the Simon Community and Nasc migrant rights in Cork.”

Finbarr always knows the paths he is taking.

“Learning about walking in Ireland, I know that lightweight gear is important, and not to carry too many food and water supplies is actually an important thing.

“Before my Cork to Dingle walk, I looked at a lot of maps and figured out the best times to walk when the roads are quietest.”

The troops were out in force too.

“I met some lovely people on my trail,” says Finbarr. “I had multiple supports along the way, offering help. Everybody is so friendly.

“I cut a bit of a figure in my high-vis and wide-brimmed hat!”

“Fiona and Brian on the Butter Road let me camp in their garden. They gave me tea and cakes.

“Their kindness meant a lot, giving somebody random who showed up shelter and sustenance in their home.”

Finbarr feels at home in the Irish countryside.

“I can have moments of reflection on my journey. I find peace. It helps the healing process.”

There is no ‘quick fix’ for dealing with grief. It is a complex process, and grief co-exists beside the ‘new normal’.

Finbarr thinks about Nóra and her short and precious life every day.

“She is in a special place. She was our daughter.”

Every donation is because of her.

“Each and every support is a statement of support for bereaved parents and a message to Nóra to say, ‘I’m thinking of you’.

“My deepest thanks to everyone who supported us,” says Finbarr.

Amid the grief, there is still room for joy.

“When I got to Dingle, I put my feet up, rested, and read a book, and then enjoyed a pint!”

And so he should.

Finbarr walked 187km for his daughter Nóra, so close to his heart and so close to his spirit - and he has helped support those who have walked in his shoes.

Féileacáin; 085-2496464 or 028-51301. Email:admin@feileachain.ie

See: https://feileacain.ie

First Light: Head Office: 01-8732711. General queries - info@firstlight.ie

Finbarr invites the public to support these cause by donating via his official fundraising page: Walk to Dingle for Nóra.