Cork woman: Amidst the sadness of dementia, this centre is blessing for us both

KATHERINE Martin and her husband of 50 years, Bob, don’t get out much since he was diagnosed with Vascular Dementia and Alzheimer’s, and then suffered a stroke last year.

But recently, the devoted Glanmire couple attended a very special occasion, when Minister of State for Mental Health and Older People, Mary Butler, officially opened the recently refurbished Bessboro Day Centre Activity Lodge - the first of its kind in Ireland.

“We were both really fortunate to be able to attend the opening,” says Katherine. “It was a lovely day out. We both enjoyed it.”

Being out and about with friends, the wet weather didn’t dampen the spirits of either Katherine or Bob.

“The place was buzzing!” says Katherine. “There was a brass band playing and the atmosphere was wonderful despite the dreadful weather.

“The sensory gardens at Bessboro Care Centre are really beautiful with lovely seating areas. There is a leisure centre available for the clients and there is a full-size cinema screen for clients and their families.”

There were other lovely memories of the rare day out.

“People saluted Bob and said ‘Hi’ to him,” says Katherine. “That was so lovely for me.”

Katherine met supportive people at the opening of the Activity Lodge, which coincided with the marking of the Alzheimer Society of Ireland (ASI) 30th anniversary Tea Day.

“Minister Mary Butler is so supportive,” says Katherine. “Before we went to the opening of the Activity Lodge, I looked her up and saw that she had increased the budget for health and wellbeing for Bessboro and other facilities like it. Minister Butler is a great advocate for older people.”

Bob’s condition was a gradual decline: then more sudden.

What did Katherine notice?

“One example was when he had a doctor’s appointment. I told Bob I would wait for him and told him where to park. He indicated left when he was turning right,” says Katherine.

That was one of many things. The worst thing was Bob’s loss of independence.

Bob, in is mid 80s, was fit and healthy.

“He liked walking, and he loved his golf,” says Katherine. “He was as fit as a fiddle - a fine fit man.”

The couple lived the good life.

“We loved going out to dinner,” Katherine says. “We had a great social life. Going to the theatre regularly was something we loved to do. We liked going sight-seeing and doing nice things. 

Then our world was turned upside down.

Bob suffered a further health setback.

“He was quite independent until he suffered a stroke on June 4 last year,” says Katherine. “Then both of our lifestyles were hugely diminished.”

Life changed immeasurably for the couple.

“Things totally changed,” says Katherine. “Bob became completely dependent on carers.”

She cared deeply for the man she fell in love with “quite literally at first sight”.

But she couldn’t cope with the challenging situation alone.

“In desperation, I rang the Alzheimer’s Society of Ireland,” says Katherine. “I was at the end of my tether.

“A community nurse told me about Bessboro Day Centre. Over the phone, Amy Murphy calmed me and reassured me that there was a place for Bob.”

Life changed for the better.

“The first day Bob went to Bessboro was my saving grace,” says Katherine.

“At first, he wasn’t quite sure about going there. Now he is ready and waiting when the minibus pulls up outside the door to collect him every Tuesday and every Thursday.”

Bob enjoys his time at his ‘club’ two days a week.

“He calls Bessboro Day Centre his ‘club’," says Katherine smiling.

He is among friends there.

“Bob gets great stimulation with the help of the wonderful carers and volunteers,” adds Katherine.

“He sings their praises all the time. 

The carers and volunteers at Bessboro are totally selfless people. They offer so much care and companionship to Bob. And they offer care and companionship to me too.

Bessboro Day Centre offers people many things.

“It offers familiarity, sociability, inclusion and a safe environment,” says Katherine.

She and Bob are fortunate to have family living near them and having the support of the Glanmire community.

“The support is extraordinary,” Katherine explains. “It is second to none. I count my blessings despite the sadness and the grief.

“The support keeps me uplifted and positive beyond a shadow of a doubt. I have a lot to be thankful for.”

Bob remains active.

“He has a mini cycling machine at home that helps with his physiotherapy,” says Katherine.

“He uses that for 15 minutes a day. He sits in his own chair using the bike and the data is sent to his physiotherapist. That has made a huge difference.”

Bessboro Day Centre has made a huge difference to both Bob and Katherine’s lives.

“Bessboro Day Centre saved me,” Katherine says frankly. 

It saved me from going over the edge.

“The first day the minibus came to collect Bob to go to Bessboro, I came inside and wept.

Until then, she was always there 24/7 for her husband.

“I never had five minutes to myself. Now I have five hours two days a week to myself. My outlook has improved, and I feel uplifted by the kindness of people.”

Life began looking up once more.

“I am able to go to yoga classes again,” says Katherine. “I’ve had four classes and am now back on track.

When Bob got the support of Bessboro Day Centre, I felt I could breathe again. The huge burden was lifted.

There are other pleasant things to do.

“My niece and I often go for a walk,” says Katherine.

“She is very fit, and I tell her this is not a marathon! We are going for a walk!”

Things are now seeming rosy in the garden for the couple who met in London and married within the year.

Of course, Katherine misses her soul-mate.

“it’s heartbreaking sometimes to look at him so vacant,” she says.

“He is in his own world and often gets family members’ names mixed up.”

But there is one person that is always there.

“He knows me,” says Katherine of her first love..

“I know Bob so well, I can read between the lines. I know Bob better than he knows himself.”

Katherine, 50 years on, was always going to be there for the long haul, supporting and loving her partner in life.

“We met in our 20s,” she says.

He’s still the man she married.

“I would still rather have Bob like this than if he wasn’t here at all.

“It is the same - in sickness and in health - isn’t it?”

The Activity Lodge at the Alzheimer Society of Ireland’s day centre in Bessboro is focused on its garden to help users reconnect with the natural world.

The garden has been designed with the assistance and guidance of Donal Chambers, lecturer at Kinsale Permaculture College, and horticulturist student Emma Moller, who is one of the students at the college.

The garden fully embraces biodiversity and includes an area for growing organic vegetables, a wildflower meadow, a water feature and native fruit trees.

Any produce from the garden will be used by the centre for its clients and any waste will be used for compost, ensuring fully sustainable and circular economy.

Further enhancements to the garden will include a polytunnel, rainwater harvesters, and a sensory planting area specifically designed for people with dementia, focusing on colour, touch, and scent.

The Alzheimer Society of Ireland also operates the Alzheimer National Helpline, offering information and support to anyone affected by dementia, on 1800 341 341.

Bessboro Day Centre Bessboro, Cork, T12 HF70. Phone: 021-4972504