Corkman: My life hit rock bottom - but now I'm helping others struggling

THERE’S a very good reason why Séamus O’Cruadhlaoich is sporting a resplendent beard and a mane of glossy long black hair. There’s also a very good reason why the 31-year-old Kilmurry man climbed Carrauntoohil twice in one day.

“We started climbing the mountain at 6.45am and got back down at 6.30pm. I was so tired, but I was so happy that I did it,” he says.

Pieta Cork is glad he did it too.

So, what’s with the hair and the beard?

Séamus laughs.

“I didn’t trim my beard or cut my hair for 12 months,” he says. “I’m doing it for charity, for Pieta Cork, a cause close to my heart. After the climb, the funds had reached €3,000. I’m hoping to raise €5,000.”

Séamus has changed his appearance and outlook on life for the best of reasons. His life spiralled out of control when he lost his mother to suicide.

“On December 12, I will be two years sober,” says Séamus proudly.

He recalls: “When I first heard about my mother’s passing, it was like someone had pulled a pin off a grenade, chucked it in the room, and blew the place to smithereens.”

Nellie was always close to his heart and Séamus was 11 when she died, his heart was broken.

“Mum was the traditional Irish mother,” he says. 

“She got us out to school in the morning and had our dinner ready when we came home.”

But Nellie, a mother of four, had mental health issues.

“She was a manic depressive,” says Séamus, 

There was a history of addiction that ran through the family. Mum lost her battle with mental health.

Séamus, lost and broken, was in pain.

“After her removal, I drank four or five cans of beer, and I smoked John Player Blue cigarettes. I made my way into a nearby alley and fell asleep I was crying so hard.

“I got a little feeling of comfort, the drink took away the worries, the anxiety and the fears. It was like an escape for a while.”

Séamus, dealing with awful grief, had good intentions.

“I got very spiritual after mum died,” he says. “I used to stop in the church on my way home from school to light a candle. I thought about doing better and being a better big brother.”

He tried to be the ‘big man’.

“At secondary school I put on a hardened front,” says Séamus. 

I turned into a messer and a bully, drinking cans with the lads, having run-ins with the law. I didn’t care. Nothing was as bad as losing mum.

“I had my fair share of problems, I was always running away from home. At 15 I was living on my own, paying rent.”

Séamus left school after his Junior Cert and got a job in construction.

He also got into hard drugs.

“Ecstasy and cocaine were available. I was often homeless, and often didn’t turn up for work.”

How did he fund his lifestyle?

“I was engulfed with alcohol and drugs,” says Séamus. “I’d always find a way to get money.”

He always found a place to stay, but adds: “I seemed to be always involved in toxic relationships. All around and inside me seemed to be toxic. Having an untreated trauma was a horrible place to be.”

Séamus tried to help himself get back on his feet, and through a contact he got a job in London. “I headed off with my gear bag. I was 19.”

And then he got a phone call.

A girl he knew in school died by suicide, says Séamus. 

It hit me like a ton of bricks. I wanted to pay my respects and I came home with a plastic bag with a change of clothes for the funeral.

Facing another tragedy, Séamus slipped into a bad place.

“I got into another toxic relationship, and I got into trouble with the law. I got a 13-month sentence and I remember sitting in the holding cell on a concrete bench, tapping my shoes off the ground. I thought, what’s going on here. How do I get out of this one?”

He was frightened.

“I was moved into another cell with 10 others, I tried to chat, but they weren’t having any of it. These people were capable of dangerous things. It was frightening.”

Séamus went through the motions, and got a job in the kitchen and in the officer’s mess. He didn’t move on though.

“After I got out, I was in another relationship but that didn’t last.”

Drink and addiction got in the way.

“I hit rock bottom in April, 2016. I woke up and thought, I can’t do this any more. I was hurting others, I brought toxicity to relationships. I hurt my family. I was hurting myself too.”

Something changed in his mindset.

“I got in touch with a counsellor, and went to AA meetings. I kept doing that. I joined a gym and ploughed on.”

Séamus got fit taking part in MMA fights, cycling around the city and doing a fitness course. He was off the drink, but there was another bump on the road. He went to a wedding in Poland and fell off the wagon.

“I was back drinking for four years,” he says. 

I spiralled mentally and, in that four years, I was a lost soul. I’d been there before. I tried to justify my actions. I ended up drinking more.

Séamus went downhill and, despite 16 gruelling months of therapy and AA meetings, still couldn’t face his old demons. He relapsed.

But this man who can climb Ireland’s highest mountain twice in a day managed to beat addiction again.

“It was like being other-worldly,” says Séamus. “I stepped back and looked at things from a recovery perspective.” He had a little help from his friends.

“I went back to the same counsellor and made contacts with my friends in AA,” says Séamus. “I had to pick up where I left off.”

He changed his environment too.

“I stayed out of bars and looked to hospitality for a job.”

He met Tadgh, who gave him a job managing The Kabin Studio in Ballincollig

“I was able to get back on the horse. I was out of control to an extent. In life, we mix up material success to what we feel inside.”

What did Séamus feel inside?

“I felt like a prisoner in my own body. I found I got side-tracked by external influences. But I found peace in my heart. I’m very grateful for a whole lot of goodness in my life.”

It is possible to turn a life around.

“It is 100% possible,” says Séamus. “Nothing defines you. You can always change your path. You may need a lot of help. It doesn’t happen naturally.”

How did it happen for Séamus?

“By humbling myself, taking away the ego, accepting friendship and guidance.”

He is liking life again and enjoying it to the full. “I’m doing great myself, and I’m incredibly grateful for all I’ve got going for me,” he says. “I’m fit, able, don’t smoke and very happy.”

He’s happy giving back too. “Giving it out yourself, you get it back in return,” he explains.

Séamus, inspired by his own journey, launched a podcast, called Up My Own Hole, where he speaks to influential Cork people.

My aim is to help others battling addiction and mental health difficulties, like I was.

Séamus is in a happy place now.

“I can feel myself getting happier as the days go by and it’s the greatest feeling ever. Nothing is better than self-improvement.”

“I’m thinking of going for a walk on Ballycotton cliffs,” he adds. “How about it?”

I’ll go too - but I’m not doing the cliffs twice in one day!

Séamus’s fundraiser for Pieta House: https//gofundme/1ae3c00

Pieta Cork offers a free professional one-to-one, in-person, phone or video therapeutic counselling and 24-hour phone and text crisis prevention services to those who are in suicidal crisis. Call 1800 111 126.