Summer Soap (Episode 5): A kiss leads to a night with Seán

Called Charlotte’s Choice, this story is about a Cork woman and her tangled love life, and was written by Gabrielle Dufrene, from the MA in Creative Writing Programme at UCC. Catch up with previous episodes at echolive.ie. In the fifth episode, the funeral ends, and Charlotte and Seán share a passionate clinch...

CHARLOTTE stayed late into the evening, helping to refill glasses and arrange flowers around the house.

In between polite and distant conversations with people who she was supposed to remember, but never could, she felt constant, conspicuous glances from Seán’s extended family flicking between Seán, herself, and her ring.

After all the dishes were washed and dried and his sisters were settled comfortably next to the fireplace with a movie, she agreed to go with Seán to the pub for a pint.

It was too late to expect to take the train back to the city; she would stay in the spare bed in Saoirse’s room.

She’d phoned Gregory, who was in France, to check in, and told him she was spending the night in her childhood home. She knew she was being duplicitous, but she didn’t want to raise any alarm, and just wanted to be there for Seán. He didn’t question her.

The pub was in walking distance from the Walsh home. After they left the house, Seán seemed unreachable, his mind somewhere far away, so she was careful not to push him with questions.

At the pub, they just talked about town gossip: a girl they knew from secondary school who was having her third child, the man who owned the chipper who was going on trial for assault allegations, people who’d moved away or come back.

After Seán’s fifth pint, Charlotte suggested they get home. They strolled in silence past the fields, along the gravel roads. The stars were radiant and plentiful overhead.

“I don’t even know where to start,” Seán said, finally. “My life feels like it’s over. I know I shouldn’t say that, but I have to come back now. No matter what I want, my life has to be here now, at least for a while. For my sisters.”

“I know,” Charlotte replied, quietly. “I’m so, so sorry. You’re the strongest person I know, Seán. I know it doesn’t make anything easier, but I hope you know you’re more than capable of getting through this. I’m here no matter what.”

“Are you?” He looked at her sharply.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” She asked, her heart thudding.

“You’re getting married in a few months. And then what? It’s hardly fair to expect your husband to be happy with you hanging around me. I’m done for. I’ll be here in Dunmanway, alone, and you’ll be...“

His voice cracked, then it faltered.

“Just. Never mind. I’m sorry I said anything.”

“No,” Charlotte said, putting her hand on his cheek.

He looked into her eyes.

“No,” she repeated, softly.

And there, under the stars, witnessed only by the cicadas and the scuttling field mice and the ghosts that passed up and down the lonely road like a band of lost circus performers, his lips pressed into hers, and it was beautiful, it was a feeling she’d all but forgotten, it was everything - it was, she feared, she knew - real love. 

Nothing would ever be the same.

She pulled away, too enraptured to feel guilty, just wanting to savour the moment: one she hadn’t realised she’d been waiting years for.

“Seán,” she whispered, gliding her fingertips through his hair. “I love you.”

“I’ve always loved you,” he said.

They remained there for what seemed like centuries, absorbing the enormity of the words that had just been uttered. After a while, they continued down the road to his house, where she climbed into his bed. She didn’t want to leave his arms: not tonight, not tomorrow, not ever.