Summer Soap (Episode 4): After her love dream, a funeral to attend...

 Called Charlotte’s Choice, this story is about a Cork woman and her tangled love life, and was written by Gabrielle Dufrene, from the MA in Creative Writing Programme at UCC. Catch up with previous episodes at echolive.ie. In the fourth episode, Charlotte wakes up after dreaming about Seán, then he calls her with bad news...

THE next morning, Charlotte leaned against the marble counter-top, the cool surface pressing through the soft silk of her robe, as the coffee machine deposited her morning espresso into the porcelain mug. She had struggled to sleep the night before, her dreams a strange mirage of scenes from the past.

She’d dreamt of Seán, of idyllic moments from their childhood, of chasing each other through fields and sneaking kisses beneath the moonlight. This troubled her deeply. She was in love with Gregory. She knew that. But she couldn’t deny the sudden resurgence of her feelings for Seán.

And she also couldn’t shake his mother’s words from her head - the poor woman’s pleading, crumpled in the hospital bed. When she’d grasped Charlotte’s hand in both of hers and said: “Please, darling, just take care of him. Just make sure he’s okay when I’m gone. Promise me.”

How could she have said no to a dying woman’s wishes?

Suddenly, her phone began to ring. It showed an unknown number, but Charlotte immediately knew.

“Hello?”

“Charlotte,” a ragged voice heaved. “She’s gone.”

******

The countryside regressed backwards from the window of the train, trees and cows and countryside passing out of Charlotte’s field of vision. Charlotte crossed and uncrossed her legs, smoothed her black dress, and sighed. She was headed to Seán’s house before the funeral mass for the rosary, as he said he knew his mother would have wanted her there.

She was strangely nervous about the whole thing - it wasn’t that she was uncomfortable with death, but she knew she’d be encountering so many ghosts from her childhood - a life that was now worlds away.

She rang her own mother to inform her of the news, but it was clear the woman wasn’t in any position to attend. This was more of a relief than anything.

Seán was to pick her up from the bus station, despite her ardent protests that he should be at home. 

Charlotte took a deep breath and reminded herself that the social anxieties regarding the coming day were of trivial importance compared to her being there for Seán.

******

The funeral mass was packed - Charlotte had to squeeze into a pew with some old church ladies who recognised her and immediately began with their interrogations of what she’d been up to and why they hadn’t seen her in so long.

She skillfully deflected questions about her mother, and they oohed and ahhed over her ring - she made sure to blush modestly and provide the details they wanted to hear about the wedding. She exhaled a sigh of relief when the procession began.

After the service, Seán and his sisters shook hands and fulfilled their duties. His face had been distant and blank when he picked her up and had remained that way all day. They didn’t have the money for a big dinner or gathering afterward, but a select few were invited back to the house.

“Do you need to hurry home or will you call back over?” Seán asked her after the church had nearly emptied out.

“I can be here as long as you want me to be,” she answered. A look of visible relief worked its way across his face.

She sat in the pew behind Seán and his sisters as the last of the mourners made their way out. She noticed that Fiona, the youngest, was struggling to plait her hair.

“Here,” Charlotte said, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder and motioning for her to give her the elastic. “Let me help you with that.”

As she separated Fiona’s thin brown hair into strands, her heart was seized with pain for this sweet young girl, who was now an orphan. She whispered a prayer that the world would be kind to her.

But beyond this, her heart ached for Seán, who suddenly carried the weight of it on his shoulders.