The Lure of the Relationship
With Valentine’s Day 2017 just around the corner, many singletons will be looking for the “one” while romantic couples will be seeking innovative ways to deepen and grow their relationship together.
We have been conditioned to believe if we meet that special someone, we will sail away into the sunset and live happily ever after. With the numerous ways of connecting via social media as well as the multitude of dating websites from Tinder to Plenty of Fish, there appears to be an abundance of opportunities on offer for singletons to meet prospective partners.
With all these technological advances, are your chances of finding true love now becoming reliant on how savvy your internet dating skills are?
Are we looking in the most suitable places for what we to create, which is to create a happy, authentic and fulfilling relationship?
Relationship expert, Clinical Psychologist and International Speaker Dr. Tony Humphreys claims that most of us have been drugged into believing the three most “common creative delusions” about relationships. Them being “We all come from happy families” “Marriage will bring me happiness” and “Having children will make me happy.”
“The consequences of these delusions are great expectations and when not met, great disappointment and resentment occurs” said Dr. Humphreys.
Many people can unconsciously enter into a relationship and forget what the purpose of the relationship is about and means. They can go into a relationship hoping for something out of it and for their partner to make them happy in some way.
“A relationship is where I bring my completeness to another and I experience a completeness of the other.” said Tony.
“When talking about the second delusion, that “marriage is going to make you happy” most people think that happiness lies outside of themselves.” “No marriage is going to make you happy. It is my responsibility to find that relationship with myself. From the relationship with myself, bring that relationship to another. It is not another person’s job to make me happy. If I make my partner responsible for my happiness, then it’s a codependent relationship. Co-dependency squeezes the life blood out of a relationship.” he adds.
Often times we can become deluded with the belief somebody out there is going to complete us and make us feel happy. Much of this deceptive thinking has come from romantic movies, books and love songs. In our quest to find the perfect relationship, we can forget to have that most important relationship, the relationship with yourself.
“Our most important responsibility is to get to know and love ourselves. You can travel the whole world and not find anyone more deserving of love than yourself.” “As you examine your own life and come into a fuller relationship with yourself, you automatically see your partner differently because your see yourself differently.” said Dr.
In our efforts to create relationships which are authentic and healthy, fear can be one of the biggest barriers which hold us back from experiencing this. This unconscious fear can prevent us from being fully authentic and real in our relationships with another. If we have a fear of losing our partner or being alone, we can become dependent on the other person and create a codependent relationship.
“I will try to please you. I won’t rock the boat. I won’t tell you exactly what I am feeling or what my needs are because I afraid of losing you.” said Dr. Humphreys.
One of the key ingredients of any relationship is the ability of both partners to communicate in a real and authentic way. Often what blocks this authentic way of relating is our fear of what the other person may think, if we speak our truth to them. It is only when we come from a place of being able to fully listen to our partners, without any judgements or opinions, that we can move beyond this and create something different.
“Communication of a real authentic nature shows you’re come into knowing yourself.
Communication of a conflictual nature, mirrors back the work I have to do on myself. The conflict in the relationship is now the opportunity for each person to reflect on their own inner worlds and see what they have brought to the relationship, so that they can come into their independance and bring their fullness to each other.” “The reality is that fulfillment lies in each of our own hands, that separateness is the basis for togetherness and in couple liaisons, each needs to appoint the other the guardian of their solitude.” said Dr. Humphreys.
Join Dr. Tony Humphreys for a special seminar style workshop entitled: The Lure of the Relationship on February, Sunday 26th from 2 until 5pm at St. Peter’s Church, North Main Street, Cork. It includes a presentation and a live interview with Dr. Tony Humphreys as well as a Q & A session. The event is being organised by The Health Zone, a platform to educate and empower people about health and wellbeing.
Tickets cost only €25 and are very limited for this event. You can book your place here:
www.bookwhen.com/thehealthzone or call 0861719311.