Cork mum of six and autism expert shares practical advice for dealing with school avoidance

As the end of September nears, and some families feel they are settling back into the school routine, for others, that return to school has been a challenge.

This can be particularly the case for families of neurodivergent children. The school setting is one which is full of sensory stimuli, social interactions and academic demands, all of which can be overwhelming for children who process information differently.

The change in routine can compound this. Together, this can lead to school distress for some children who experience difficulty in going to school at all.

Cork-based autism expert, Sharon McCarthy, is a mother to six children, five of whom are neuro-divergent. She was diagnosed with autism herself about six years ago. Sharon did autism studies at UCC and has lectured at the Cork College of Further Education and Training and at UCD.

The former childcare professional says there can be a lack of support in relation to the transition of neuro-divergent children returning to school at this time of year. But, there are some steps people can take to address this.

“Some children in autism-specific classes are better set up for success, but these children are not immune to school avoidance or school distress,” says Sharon.

“Oftentimes, autistic children can feel a lack of connection to the school community. They can have a body-based feeling of lack of safety.

“When the child is expected to return to school, they will immediately remember in their bodies how unsafe they have felt, how isolated they were.”

Sharon cites a 2025 study by Connolly et al carried out in Northern Ireland and England which found that autistic children are 50% more likely to be unable to attend school than their non-autistic peers.

“It’s not that these children are choosing not to go to school; it’s that they are unable.”

Parents of these children can find the situation very hard to deal with. They reach out to the school and to educational welfare officers.

While some professionals “are extremely kind and are doing their best”, Sharon says that “some children are not being scaffolded in the way they need to be to go back to school.”

What can parents and care-givers do to support children?

In order to ensure an autistic child can successfully access education, Sharon says that safety must come first.

“The reality is autistic children who are trying to navigate school fundamentally do not feel safe from a sensory standpoint, from a community standpoint and from a communicative standpoint.

“For example, a little person who uses voice to communicate may become situationally mute where they’re unable to articulate in the moment. Instead, they’re sitting in a space where they feel more and more distressed and unable to say how they feel.”

Sharon says that it’s vital to look at the unique needs that every individual child has to begin with.

“It’s also really important that we recognise that the non-autistic teacher and the non-autistic peers have a difficulty with understanding autistic communication. So the problem lies with everybody in the space. Responsibility for repairing that lies with everybody in the space.”

But what to do when you re the parent of a neurodivergent child that will not go to school?

“Before considering re-introducing them to school, we have to ensure the child is given appropriate and sufficient time to decompress at home. This is where they’re able to regulate, feel safe and bed down that feeling at home, to start with.

“The next thing is to identify sensory tools and strategies collaboratively that the child may be able to engage with.”

This means that the child knows their voice is being heard. “If you’re prescribing something for the child who has no interest in it, it’s not going to be helpful. Tools are basic things such as ear defenders which some children like, or fidgets.

“It’s about ensuring the child has access to these tools at home first, in their safe space. You can then begin to transfer the use of these items to the school space.”

A useful anxiety management strategy is diaphragmatic breathing which helps to lower stress. Again, this technique should first be introduced at home.

A child should have “an exit strategy or an escape plan. It’s about supporting a child to be able to remove themselves from a space they don’t feel safe in. You’re identifying a safe space for the child to withdraw to and you discuss this collaboratively with the child.

“Again, you’re bedding down the strategies at home first and then in the school space.”

Sharon says that predictability is one of the most important safety strategies for an autistic child. “The greater the level of predictability, the level of schedule and the level of certainty that can be provided, the better supported the child will feel; they’ll be more likely to thrive in the school space.”

It’s important that the child’s teacher has open and honest communication with his/her parents, to figure out the child’s way of communicating.

But if the child is “unable” to go to school, parents should talk to the teacher to see what collaborative strategies might work, which the parents will identify given their knowledge of the child.

“You could consider incremental re-introduction, deciding whether the child goes to school for ten minutes or twenty minutes or for half an hour, to begin with. If they’re going in for ten minutes, it has to be ten minutes exactly.”

Parents need to be in contact with an educational welfare officer to let them know if a child is on a reduced day or is out of school. Parents will need to organise a home tutor to work with the child.

Hours are allocated based on the previous year’s absences. If a child was out of school for a whole year, they are entitled to a maximum of seven hours of tuition a week.

Sharon McCarthy and Deirdre O’Mahony have set up two parent groups of neurodivergent children offering peer support on the first Tuesday of the month from 10am-12pm at Togher Family Centre and at Carrigaline Family Resource Centre from 7pm-9pm. Sharon can be contacted by text at 089 4125949.