Cork elder mediator: ‘Not enough people think ahead on major decisions’

When important decisions are to be decided for later in life, who are you going to call?

It’s an area that Siún Kearney, an elder mediator supporting older people and their families in challenging situations, has devoted much of her life to.

Siún, who lives in Schull, is co-hosting the 12th World Summit on Elder Mediation which takes place at UCC in May.

“This is the 12th International Emin (Elder Medication International Network) summit, bringing together health and legal professionals, community leaders, educators, researchers and elder mediators from around the globe,” says Siún, who mediates in areas of family, workplace and community.

Why is the summit important?

“The summit, in addition to identifying developing practice internationally, will highlight the importance of elder mediation being available in Ireland for older people at a time when they may be experiencing challenging decisions for both themselves and their families.

“As we are all living longer now, it is so important that older people, their families, and carers can find help and support in making future decisions,” says Siún, who has four daughters.

The conversations should be started.

“The UCC EMIN summit in May will bring public attention to the issues that older people may be facing or will have to face,” says Siún.

The organisers of the summit are in full swing.

“The Summit planning group has been busy confirming speakers and assembling a conference experience which will include expert presentations from elder mediators from around the world, and provide excellent networking opportunities,” says Siún, who in a voluntary capacity, worked to establish a Community Mediation Service in Cork, and who is one of the original cohort of elder mediators in Ireland certified by EMIN.

She was studying medicine in the UK when she discovered that she was more interested in the mind. “I realised I had no interest in the physical body,” says Siún. “Only in the mind.”

How did that discovery come about?

“I remember the orthopaedic surgeon was explaining the hip replacement procedure he had carried out on a man who was his patient,” says Siún.

She was all ears.

“All I heard was that the man had five children at home. I wondered how his wife was managing.”

Important issues become even more important to us as we get older.

“Older people can often find themselves not in conflict but in crisis,” says Siún.

“There are major decisions to be made, and not enough people think ahead.”

Like what?

“Like what happens when an older family member or relative can no longer manage independent living on their own,” says Siún.

“Like where to seek advice to address family disputes about decisions regarding older people and their welfare.”

An example of the kind of situation resolved through elder mediation includes where dad has been mum’s caregiver for many years. Their adult children are concerned this is too much for him and that his health is suffering. Dad doesn’t accept this. The public health nurse suggests elder mediation.

Another scenario involves mum wishing to remain at home even though she has ill health and finds it hard to manage independently.

The solicitor can suggest elder mediation to the older lady.

How does Siún go about her work as an elder mediator?

“First of all, I remain neutral,” she says.

“Ahead of a meeting with a family, I ask for a photograph of their elderly relative so I can get a sense of what they are like. If there are issues, I try and transform and reframe the issues to be discussed into positive things. We all want the best for our elderly relatives.”

What does Siún observe going about her important work?

“Family members might have different concepts or hold different views on a current situation,” says Siún.

“Perhaps one family member is carrying the burden. They all love their parents and siblings may differ on what they think is best for their parents. Everyone brings something to the table.”

What happens at the table?

“We discuss what needs to happen,” says Siún.

“We draw on advice from people like the health nurse, the near-neighbour, the GP, the pharmacist, the driver who delivers the shopping, or who brings the person to hospital appointments. Everyone gets an opportunity to say what they want,” says Siún.

She is always available when the need arises for her services.

“I facilitate the meeting and offer relevant information, and I try to ensure that the best outcome for everyone concerned will happen,” says Siún.

“Mediation is realistic and future-focused. The mediator is not there to advise, though she/he needs to be informed around the issues under discussion. The mediator’s role is to facilitate the views being heard of all parties and to discuss and consider all their options before making future decisions on a specific issue.”

Situations arise at times where support may be needed to help to resolve them.

“This can happen as we get older, where we can no longer manage on our own for various reasons.”

Siún says not enough people think ahead.

“I try and put people at ease decision-making with the help of integrity and support.”

Siún’s intentions are always good ones.

“I want to re-frame the situation, wanting the best for everyone involved.”

Family situations often vary from time-to-time.

“Mum and dad endeavouring to make the right decisions regarding succession, for instance, might hold different views,” says Siún.

“In families, one member can carry the burden of responsibility for older family members. There can be conflict between siblings who all share the love of their parents.

“During mediation, everyone gets to say what they want, looking at what is realistic and future-focused. The next stage is discussed. I like discussions to take place face-to-face,” says Siún.

She made a life-changing career decision when she explored the world of mediation.

“I said, I have to do this,” says Siún.

“I aim to empower the parties themselves.

“I look at options. What works, what doesn’t work. What is fair and what isn’t fair.”

Siún looks at the full picture.

“I can provide information on sources of support, like finance options, support for the older person, retirement plans, where to seek legal advice, volunteer bodies willing to help, etc.”

What if some parties don’t want to come to the table?

“Then that is their loss if they don’t wish to participate,” says Siún.

“I ask the siblings if they’d like me to make people not present, aware of the decisions. And I tell everyone that the door is always open.”

Being a mediator dealing with a myriad of different human situations can be challenging, if not stressful at times?

Siún has a remedy just in case.

“I go sea-swimming in Schull,” she says.

That soothes many ills.

“I thoroughly recommend it!” she adds.

The 12th World Summit on Mediation with Age-Related Issues will be held at UCC from May 20 to 22.

• Register at https:www.ucc.ie/en/conference/registerforanevent/.