Julie Helen: 'When I stopped working full-time, I felt people might think I was at home drinking tea'

Recent research by insurance and pension company, Royal London Ireland, found it would cost approximately €60,112 to employ somebody to do the various jobs of a stay-at-home parent for a year.

I am a stay-at-home parent at the moment, although I do small bits and pieces of freelance work, which I know I am very lucky to have to supplement our family income.

The study shows just how much a stay-at-home parent contributes to the economy of the home, and even though I am in that situation, I had no idea we should be putting that level of worth on the tasks I do.

In the study, the tasks and chores they measured included: childcare, cleaning, cooking, teaching assistance, gardening, and transporting children to activities. I do the vast majority of the childcare for our son, but we do have a fantastic homework club that bridges the gap between 2pm and 3pm so that Ricky can get the bus home.

We have lovely support from our neighbours, where he can get off the bus at their house and play until I can pick him up a short while later.

I absolutely get help with the cleaning and household chores, particularly the ones I cannot do, like washing the floors and changing the beds, so I reckon I could reduce my impact to about €45,000. I still do the cooking, teaching assistance, and transporting to activities. Gardening services are carried out by the kindness of family and neighbours. If anybody saw me weeding, they would know there was something seriously wrong; my strengths lie indoors or in the car. Sometimes, knowing our limitations is a good thing.

Even at the reduced rate, I never would have thought that being at home would have the same gross value as the full-time job I used to do. I only quit full-time work in 2023, and I look at job opportunities almost weekly, wondering if I am I underselling myself, being lazy, or not doing enough.

None of those feelings are coming from my husband. He is fully supportive of me being at home both for my health and wellbeing and the way it helps our son to thrive. We know it is a privilege that we could make the choice that I could stay at home. I regularly remind David how it shows how hard he works, that we can afford it, but we never really put a figure on my value, and I am certain we were both under-estimating it by a long shot.

I definitely struggled for the first couple of years with not being in full-time work, but part of the problem was the way I was framing it as ‘not’ doing something rather than what I am doing. I felt in my own mind that people might think that all I do is sit in my house drinking tea, and especially with just one child, was it really even that necessary for us?

When I see the black and white figures, I feel a bit validated if I am honest, and even if we ‘only’ have ‘just’ one child, he is ours, and our situation is unique to us.

I feel I should settle into the deliberate decision to be at home and do the things that make our home the lovely environment it is.

I take my hat off to all the parents out there. We are all doing the very best we can in the situations we are in, and that’s enough.