Should we all be in therapy? ‘Completely,’ says Cork nurse

A Cork nurse, who has just published a book about her life, goes by the dictum of Socrates that the unexamined life is not worth living.

Maria Burke, whose professional career took her from Ireland to Australia and Saudi Arabia, has been doing a lot of soul-searching.

In 2014, she started studying interpersonal communication under psychologist, Dr Tony Humphreys. She then did a higher diploma, followed by a Masters.

Her Master’s degree was about the psychological safety experiences of the public health nurse on the frontline of community care. It allows people to be unafraid to express themselves openly and consciously.

The title of 62-year-old Maria’s book is Maria The Nurse: In Nursing I Found Me.

A nurse for 45 years, Maria is currently working as a public community nurse with Kinsale Primary Care.

She has trained in five different branches of nursing including psychiatric nursing, public health nursing, and midwifery.

Her self-exploration all began in Australia as a 30-year-old nurse when Maria was partaking in psychodrama in Sydney.

Asked if she had any misgivings about baring her soul in her autobiography, Maria says that writing the book was very healing.

“I was ashamed for a very long time. I’m divorced (she later remarried and has a daughter).

“For a long time, I thought that having a broken marriage brought shame on my family. I was in Australia when I married a guy from London.

“Now, I realise there isn’t shame in the breakdown of a relationship. But with my upbringing, I thought marriage was for life.”

Having had a number of miscarriages, Maria and her husband Dennis welcomed the birth of Abbie. But she was premature by 12 weeks and weighed only one pound and nine-and-a-half ounces when was born. Abbie spent 100 days in the neonatal unit at the Bon Secours Hospital in Cork.

“I was very angry for a long time that Abbie was born early. I did everything right; I didn’t drink, I never smoked. I really minded myself. Why did this have to happen to me? Thankfully, I had huge support around me.”

But Maria says the premature birth had an effect on her relationships.

“When I sat with my anger for long enough, she told me her name was ‘grief’. I was grieving after Abbie was born.”

As it turned out, Abbie suffered no ill effects despite her early arrival in the world. She reached all her milestones. Now, aged 19, Abbie is doing a post Leaving Cert course and hopes to train as a teacher.

Maria’s brother Francis, who has Down syndrome and lives in shared accommodation in Bandon, is one of the lights of Maria’s life.

She writes about the special relationship she has with him.

Looking back on her life and career, Maria says that, overall, it has been happy, but there have been certain challenges.

She says she believes that nurses are valued more in Australia than here.

“I still talk about my experience 30 years ago in Sydney compared to Ireland. The reality is, the basics don’t change. It’s important to listen. But here, we’re at our computers a lot, minding our back and ticking boxes.

“While I absolutely love nursing, I’m not encouraged to stay.

“I love my patients. It’s about giving them time when I visit them. But I’m finding it’s all about numbers and metrics.

“We provide a fabulous service in Kinsale Primary Care but it’s a struggle to get staff on the ground. Loneliness is the biggest thing affecting people. Something has to change.”

In Australia, the community nurse is very present in people’s lives, recalls Maria, sometimes calling to their homes up to three times a day if necessary.

The approach is all about keeping people out of hospital.

She says that Florence Nightingale “back in the 1800s was hands on. That shouldn’t change. You can’t hold a computer’s hand at the end of the day.”

Maria says she had been neglecting her own emotional wellbeing.

“I asked myself why is it that I get depressed at times?

“You shouldn’t be afraid to say it. I was with my therapist last week. It was wonderful. There is safety in that relationship. There is no judgement. You can be totally yourself.”

Should we all be in therapy?

“Completely. I don’t even know if I want to call it therapy. It’s a co-creative approach.

“You might be brought back to something that happened when you were a little girl.”

Compassion and love for that child is necessary to progress emotionally.

Maria says that examining herself “is a life-long journey”.

“It’s increasing your level of consciousness. Everything is there in the unconscious. What is unconscious in the parent will remain unconscious in the child unless you want to examine your story.”

Concerned about the future of nursing in this country, Maria would love to sit down with the health minister Jennifer Carroll MacNeill.

“I’d say to her that the government needs to listen more. I’m frustrated that nothing seems to be changing.

“There’s staff doing amazing work. But we need to be given resources, we need to be listened to. Give us the staff and we will thrive.”

• Maria the Nurse: In Nursing I Found Me, by Maria Burke, will be launched at Ballinadee Community Hall on November 23 at 5pm. Maria will sign books at Bandon Books, Riverview Shopping Centre, Bandon, on December 13, 11am-2pm.