Julie Helen: 'I have learned the brain works in big and small ways'

Yesterday morning, I stepped out of bed to a sharp shot of pain up through my twisted right knee that made my stomach plummet.

This was a familiar neurological twinge that signals days, if not weeks, of discomfort and pain for no discernible reason.

I traced the pain to the back of my knee where my calf muscles feel tight and knotted, or at least more than usual.

Cerebral Palsy, the spastic kind, means that tight muscles is run-of-the -mill stuff, but injury or pain beyond tightness is more frustrating.

I ran the previous few days through my head, trying to figure out what I did to cause this small fire in my body. Then I tried a few times to put weight on the impacted right leg. Interestingly, I am right-handed, so right side dominant, but my right leg is more impacted by cerebral palsy so the dominance of either leg changes depending on the task I need to do.

For a few years now, I haven’t been able to lead with my right leg when I want to go up a step, but it’s still my brain’s natural choice.

Sometimes I start with my right leg, don’t have enough power, and need to switch. In that situation, a normal-sized step can feel like a mountain. 

It took me three attempts to put weight on my leg to stand, and I wondered had I carelessly attempted any steps too quickly or stretched the limb in some way. I couldn’t think of anything. That gives me hope that in a couple of days this latest difficulty may subside. In the meantime, I will need to be mindful of the leg and give it a chance to rest while still completing my activities of daily living.

As I’m moving about, I tell myself out loud to use my left leg by simply saying the word “left” when I go to stand or sit. If I’m in company that might think I’ve lost the plot entirely, I can whisper to myself or even just think about things for a second or two longer.

This element of my coping mechanism has stood to me due to my understanding of how the brain works and neuroplasticity.

The important messages getting from my brain to my muscles to help me move around get delayed, confused or in some cases just never get there at all. That’s due to damage to my cerebellum in my brain, before, during or after birth- I will never really know the exact moment it all happened.

I know that it’s never too late to employ and work with neuroplasticity or the notion that the brain can find workarounds when there is a block in the path.

The important thing I have learned is that the brain works in small ways as well as big ways, so being able to instruct my left leg to compensate for my right during injury is a feat of neuroplasticity I am grateful for.

My favourite instance of when my brain came up trumps was when I first tied an apron successfully behind my back when I was 22. Up until then, I had often tried but never succeeded, but I quietly never stopped trying and one day, hey presto, there was a neat bow behind my back. Now when I struggle, I remind myself that just because I can’t do something immediately doesn’t mean I never will, within reason of course.

July is Disability Pride month so I’m seeing loads of content online, maybe that is what’s making me extra reflective while I rest and recover.