Julie Helen: 'My heart is with exam students today'

As the school year starts to draw to a close, my heart is with exam students today, wishing them all the vibes to be cool, calm, and collected in their quest.

I was always the type to worry about exams, but was also great at cramming in the last few seconds of preparation and relying on creativity to get me through. That’s why maths never really suited me, I didn’t like having to be exact or just getting the right or wrong answer. I always liked a story or a journey.

As a mum, I view the whole experience of school slightly differently than I did when I was going through it myself.

All I want is for my boy to be content in his skin going to school. His effort counts and we’ll play to his strengths.

When it comes to crunch times like the Leaving Cert, it is all-consuming, it is the most important thing in their world, the biggest thing they have ever done, so I will never say the Leaving Cert doesn’t matter to someone going through it, I will tell them I hope everything they hope for comes up, I will tell them that everything will work out. If they are disappointed with a paper, I will acknowledge that, because dismissing it won’t help.

I think what I have learned most by being a mother is that the best thing I can do is climb into the trenches wherever my son is at and be there. Just be.

Be the person he can turn to, the person he can tell how he really feels to, even in the times when he’ll want nothing more than to block me out entirely.

The trenches when the boy is five are small and only reach my ankle and I fit comfortably in them, but they are the foundation for the bigger ones we’ll have to climb into in the next 20 years.

We recently had an argument in our house about brushing teeth which caused a tantrum and tears just before bed.

Ordinarily, Ricky is quite measured but this time he let fly. I persisted and after the whole debacle he asked when we would hug and if I still loved him.

I genuinely asked him did he not understand that I loved him no matter what happened, always and forever and to the moon and back. He laughed at my overemphasis and we hugged for a long time. When he was ready to let go, he looked at me very seriously and said: “Mom, I didn’t know that. I know you love me but I didn’t know it’s there even when I don’t do the right stuff.”

We have had the conversation a few times, a reassurance of love. That’s what he needs from me in this particular trench, to know the parental support he has is unwavering, and it’s funny how things can hit him at different times. Maybe I expect him to be too independent or already know things about relationships that need to be further embedded in his psyche before he just knows without having to question.

Our boy is already making plans for the summer. It sounds like it’s going to be jam- packed with fun and adventures.

I feel like I’m going to blink and he’ll be doing the Leaving Cert, planning his great life decisions with the world as his oyster. 

He already wants to know how many years he has to wait before he can drive and I joke about how happy I will be to be chauffeured around.

For now, we’ll give each moment, big and small, the space they deserve.