How I learned to cope with 'intrusive thoughts'

HAVE you ever had intrusive thoughts or have you ever heard of intrusive thoughts?

I can’t remember when I first started having them, perhaps I have had them in some form for a long time, but they really only became startling in the years since I have become a mother.

I had a conversation with a friend of mine who is a medical professional and she had never heard them, probably simply because she had never experienced such a thing.

Since our chat, I have had the conversation with several friends, including my husband, and it was a mixed bag of experiences and unfamiliarity that met me.

If you read my column from time to time, you might be aware that I love a bit of amateur psychology and so I’ll preface this article by saying that I am not a psychologist and for some people who experience intrusive thoughts, it can be a very serious and distressing mental health condition.

The sort of intrusive thoughts I experience, while unnerving, do not really intrude on the day to day running of my life.

That said, it wasn’t until I read an article written by another mother who experienced them that I made peace with them, because it made me realise that they are a relatively normal occurrence. So, perhaps in writing this, it might make even one other person aware of what they are and how to manage them.

What is an intrusive thought? They are sometimes also referred to as unwanted thoughts because - and if you’ve had them you’ll agree - they are generally unnerving, frightening or disturbing thoughts.

They can be associated with certain mental health disorders like Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), and in this instance the thoughts become so troublesome they trigger repetitive behaviours to help that person cope.

They can also be triggered by stress and are sometimes associated with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). They can be brought on by life-changing experiences or hormonal shifts so some mothers experience intrusive thoughts after having children.

I am not qualified to define what an intrusive thought is so I will pull from the internet in terms of finding a definition. At its core, an intrusive thought is a thought that you have that could stop you in your tracks, and it might be violent, fatal, extreme... and they are thoughts that differ to the regular thoughts that pass through your mind.

For me, perhaps not unusually, they often centre around my children and terrible things happening to them, not things I do myself, but stressful, traumatic circumstances will cross my mind where they shouldn’t.

We could be walking down the street and I will have a brief panic as I imagine the truck coming towards us ploughing into us. I could be driving along the road beside a river and my mind will be consumed with thoughts of us having an accident and ending up in the river.

As you can imagine, it can be quite a stressful thought process. Interestingly, in writing this article and plucking the most obvious examples of my intrusive thoughts, it has made me wonder if they are somewhat triggered not in fact by becoming a mother but by another incident.

A very close friend of mine was involved in a near fatal road collision around the time my first baby was born. The accident has left her completely paralysed, we visit her regularly, so the cold, hard truth of the impact a car accident can have on, not only the person who is involved in it, but also their family and friends, is an ever-present thought.

For me, by learning and acknowledging what intrusive thoughts are, I have been able to accept them for what they are and I am getting better at letting them pass through my mind without causing me any major concern.

At the crux of it, understanding that intrusive thoughts don’t shape you as a person is probably the most important element in ensuring they remain manageable. If you have what you consider a terrible thought, it’s important you remind yourself this is an intrusive thought; it doesn’t shape you as an individual, it’s not who you are and it doesn’t define you.

I have found that over time I have become less sensitive to intrusive thoughts, and this has brought me to a place where they no longer shock or stress me out.

If you do experience intrusive thoughts, it is important not to panic and try and push it from your mind because, paradoxically, that can have the opposite effect and fuel the intensity of the thoughts. If you can’t let your intrusive thoughts pass through your mind, and they start to impose on your life in an invasive way, then it might be time to seek help from a professional who can help you make sense of the thoughts and provide you with methods of coping with the thoughts.