A light bulb moment in challenges of childcare

A CORK-based mum is the driving force behind a new model of child care – and she got the idea for the unique concept from her own mother.

Emma Dwyer, and other Cork parents, have just launched Care Shared, to create supportive networks for families, to give a vital hand when needed.

The idea is to connect like-minded families and help to cultivate regular connections with the view to reciprocal child-care. It’s a free service, initially targeted at families with children under five.

“Family networks are getting smaller than they were a century ago,” said Emma.

“Families are smaller, and as a result so is that built-in support network people once took for granted. Many people live in different counties or countries to where they were raised. Many parents are asking themselves, where’s that village we were told would help us raise our children,” she said.

Emma moved to Cork when she was pregnant with her first child.

“My parents are in Dublin, my partner’s family are in Tipperary. I naively thought we would manage as two parents to get by. I moved to an area where I had very few contacts and then Covid hit. I was very lonely yet I had no time to myself,” she admits.

“It was tough and I only had one or two people I could ask for help, which I felt like I had exhausted. I worked on my partner’s days off as a self-employed arts worker.

“My parents actually went through similar isolation, moving to Brighton in the UK in the ’80s with myself, my brother and my sister all under the age of six. My mum met a group of parents who had a bean system where you babysat for another family in exchange for a bean per hour. You could then use those beans to get one of the other parents to babysit. She was telling me this, and a light bulb went off in my head. I can do that, I thought.”

Emma, who is mum to Radie, aged four, and Sonny, aged two, and who lives in Ballinlough, recently started working full time at Cork County Council.

“My other half also works full time, so we need full time care. Radie is in pre-school and in the afternoons she joins her brother at a childminder’s house. He is there full time. While we love our childminder, and our kids are treated like part of her family, it’s the most expensive form of childcare.

“We are eligible for support through the National Childcare Scheme but can’t avail of it because we couldn’t find a single creche place in the city, or a childminder that is registered with the scheme.

“It’s really difficult for people to continue to work with the current set-up. If I had more energy, and time, I would be out on the streets demanding free accessible childcare for all,” she said.

After her light bulb moment, she went on to set up a Facebook group and through that she met some other parents that she has care shared with.

“I swap with two or three other families. We all live fairly close to each other. I have done Saturday afternoons minding two kids while their parents go on a date, and we then do the same. I have done night times so that parents can go out to gigs, to the cinema, or just for a bite to eat together and we have done the same. I trust the other families, as we met up a couple of times before doing the swaps and we got to know each other. It felt like we got each other, and we got this idea. We’re all living in different cities to our folks and we’re filling the grandparent or auntie gap for each other.”

Dr Sue Redmond, who lives in Clare, is another driver of Care Shared, along with Evelyn Richardson, of Whitegate.

When Sue and her husband moved to Clare with their two-year-old twins, they had no family support behind them.

Sue studied social support and resilience as part of her PhD, which prompted her to think about the impact of practical support on overall mental health, wellbeing and resilience.

“Research shows that reciprocity promotes involvement and commitment to community. This process of reciprocity enhances social support, meaning that the more one uses their support network, the stronger it becomes.

“This was relied upon by our tribal ancestors, but less so in our modern living, and we are seeing the impact on parental mental health and burn-out.”

Emma agrees and admits she hit a low point when she found out she was pregnant with their second child.

“Mental health issues led me to access the perinatal mental health team in Cork University Maternity Hospital. I’m really open about this, and having chatted to many mothers - it’s very common to feel isolated and for it to spiral into mental health issues,” says Emma.

Sue has Care Shared with two other families.

“I work part-time as a consultant so it’s great to have extra time each week to focus on work, or if the surf is up to jump in the ocean without any mum guilt.

“I take two other families’ kids during the day, in school term after pre-school finishes, so 12-5pm and then the next day one of them takes mine. Over summer it’s worked really well with no need for childcare.

“We each get two days to focus on meeting our own needs, whatever they may be – mentally, emotionally, socially, economically or even spiritually.

“I feel like I have a village around me, so when unexpected things crop up I have no hesitation in asking my other families for help. They are also building incredible connections and social skills.”

She believes Care Shared has incredible potential to help parents access much-needed support in raising kids.

“They will have parents around them that support them and that they in turn support. This practical support has the power to improve parental mental health, wellbeing, resilience and thriving. It is fundamental to a healthy matrescence (metamorphosis in becoming a mother).

“I think every parent, no matter what their circumstances, struggles with the enormity of parenting.

“Our society has vastly changed from how we evolved in tribes and with multiple adults helping to raise children. Today, we are expected to ‘do it all’ and it is tough, so tough,” says Sue.

Care Shared isn’t limited to a set time of day and works around the families’ needs. This may be day-time, evenings, weekends or school breaks, and the model relies on trust.

“There’s no charge to join. We ask people to submit their information on the website and accept liability for their own swaps.

“We offer guidelines for families who are considering swaps but we aren’t able to garda vet people or anything like that just yet.

“Down the line we want this to be set up like AirBnB, so that there is trust built in with reviews etc. But for now it’s about trusting your gut, meeting someone a couple of times for a playdate, and then doing a swap if it feels right. I have swapped with three families and to date there’s been no concerns, if anything I feel like they’re my people,” said Emma.

Care Shared recommends at least two play dates before swapping to see if the families are a good fit, and ideally kids will be of a similar age.

“Location and critical mass are essential to making this work, so Care Shared are focusing their efforts on developing this in Cork city for now.

“Our ambition is that this would be nationwide and facilitated through an App like Tinder, or Peanut, for now it’s in the learning stage with a website and meet-ups planned.”

Emma said she’s surprised this practice isn’t already commonplace in Ireland.

“I recently heard that we are the most generous country on GoFundMe, we have a community ethos in Ireland that we all come together to support each other.

“I think that Care Shared will give people that opportunity to support each other in very practical ways.”

See www.careshared.org for more.