Julie Helen: Life has turned on its head, so what can I do? I show up

I JUST dropped my mum off at the door of the Bon Secours Hospital for her third round of chemotherapy. It’s a bright sunny morning. We waited for the call which came just at 8am and I was home again by 9am. She took her case from the car and walked in herself, having expressed her dread at what was ahead of her but also acknowledging our collective hope that this would be her last round. After this, we will once again be in unknown territory as she faces surgery as the next stage of her treatment which turned her life on its head.

As I drove away from the hospital and slipped smoothly along a quiet College Road, I thought about all the times I had driven the same way while getting to lectures or working in the university. The times when life was not turned on its head.

The Bons itself is where I was born at just 29 weeks gestation and Diarmuid was born with Down Syndrome and medical problems that meant he was rushed to Dublin the next morning, I realised mum’s life has been turned upside down plenty of times. Those other times, she was looking after one of us, being resilient for us and advocating for us. 

So now I reflect on what I can do for her. It’s simple. I show up. Be there. Be with her, be resilient and believe that things will turn the right way up again.

Mum is at the centre of this storm with dad right beside her, I have the opportunity to show up for them, row in and be a scaffolding. Once scaffolding is erected around a house we often forget that it is there but it serves a purpose and it’s easy to play that role when mum has always done it for me. I know how. My life has utterly changed in the last while too, but a chunk of that change has happened by choice so that I can show up for my mum and for my family.

As I reflect on the job I held for seven years, on being a mother on being a daughter, a wife, a sister, a friend, particularly in this time of change, when things are shifting and I am constantly thinking and reflecting, it is becoming clear to me that a core value I have is to show up for other people. I like to help and support, that is part of who I am. If everything else falls away, no matter what role I need to fill, showing up will always be part of it.

In my work advocating for the right of people with intellectual disabilities, it was actually a continuous commitment to showing up for those who didn’t have their rights realised, standing with them, understanding and trying to be part of the influence and movement for change. 

When I made the decision to step back from the role, my biggest concern was the impact it would have on the people I showed up for, my team, my colleagues and the people with intellectual disabilities I was working on with to try to bring about change.

I feel quite settled now to understand that there is a core value of showing up that I can draw on and can transfer it to whatever sphere of life I need to. If I was struck down tomorrow, being associated with showing up for and being there for the people and causes I care about would be a good thing and I can make sure it rings true in all I do.